Thursday, January 02, 2014

Reflections on a family holiday

Reflection on our all-family Christmas in Santa Fe has led me to two resolutions that I hope to make a way of life in 2014 (besides the eternal resolution to do my yoga routine more regularly).
Because my balance is sometimes more than a bit iffy, my grown children are always ready to help, and I find myself clinging to them. Now in an icy parking lot in Santa Fe, I was only too glad to have Jamie's arm, but most of the time, on dry pavement, I am just fine--even though this year I was clunking around in an orthopedic shoe on one foot. So my resolution is to be more independent--not only about walking but about living. I received a Keurig coffee maker for Christmas and my first thought was that I didn't want to figure out the set-up directions; I'd wait for my neighbor to come by. But I went ahead and did it, because there are a lot of little things like that I can do for myself...and should. I figure the more independent I am, the less likely to become a little old woman--or to have my children see me that way. It's a two-way street: I cling, and they see me as helpless. Well, I'm not and I intend to prove it. Yes, there are times I need a hand up a curb or something, and then I'll ask.
My second resolution is to be more assertive. In Santa Fe I spent way too much time at my computer or reading. Granted I was happy doing that, but I was sort of out of the loop. And sometimes I got my nose out of joint (that phrase makes my oldest son laugh). The night that son was in the hospital, my daughters went to sit at the hospital with his wife while she waited for the results of an endoscopy. Nobody said, "Mom, he's your child. Do you want to go?" The next day I mentioned that to Megan, my oldest daughter, and she said, "Mom, if you wanted to go, you should have said so." Point well taken. Sometimes the conversation rolls over whatever I try to contribute to it: from now own, I will make myself heard. And I don't like being shut out of the kitchen and kitchen decisions when they're cooking, etc. Sure, everyone makes one meal, and they do it their way. But I sometimes feel like Adam's off ox--when I ask what I can do, they wave and say "nothing." Probably that's in large part my fault--I seem comfortable at the computer, so why should they bother me. I'm going to make a real effort to assert myself and be part of the action.
So that's two--independence and assertiveness. As for that third--yoga. Yeah, I'll do it when I get rid of this boot. Though Monday, which for me starts the routine of the everyday world again, I may see what I can do with the boot on.
How about you? Did you make any realistic resolutions?

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