Saturday, September 16, 2023

The urge to purge, disappointment, and surprise

 


Just because I really like this picture.
My gang and me in front of Tiffany elevator doors in Chicago's Palmer House.
That trip was seven years ago right about now.

This morning dawned dreary again, and I thought we were in for a day of rain. Wishful thinking. I knew the Burtons had plans most of the day—Jacob’s golf tournament, a football game tonight, etc., and I had no plans, so it promised to be a long day. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to work on. Drifting, you might call it.

I’m not sure what changed the mood of the day, but I found myself purging files. I have a rack of file folders on the credenza (a much fancier word for what it is) by my desk. It’s overcrowded and messy, and somehow, I found myself pulling folders, sorting old papers. I had a file labeled “Pending” where I stuck everything I didn’t know what to do with. As a result, there were receipts from 2019 and precious little that I needed to save today. Several files could go to the “inactive” file—a disorganized drawer in the bottom of a cabinet beyond the pretentious credenza. No, I did not alphabetize—I just stuck them in wherever they would fit. That’s one thing the kids will someday have to deal with—I can’t get down on the floor to be orderly about it.

And then there are recipes—four folders of them, though I sent one folder, labeled something like “Lean and Green” into the house for Jordan. And I sorted through the others, some with recipes I’ve kept since the seventies when the kids were little. It wasn’t the old recipes I purged—they are like treasures—but the countless new ones I print on impulse and then later realize I will never cook. I have now filled two wastebaskets, mostly with culled recipes.

While I sorted and discarded, I had the TV on, watching for a Paxton verdict. When it came, it was at first agonizingly slow—for each article of impeachment, a clerk read off the way each senator voted. Call me Pollyanna, because I honestly thought the vote might go against him. But as the words, “the Senate cleared him” came up more often, I lost heart. At first, I thought maybe the more serious charges would come later, but no. That bunch of cowards acquitted him on all counts, when it is clear to anyone who’s been following the proceedings that he is guilty as sin. One national news source called him “impressively corrupt.” Let me right now give a shout-out to my senator, Kelly Hancock of North Richland Hills, one of only two Republicans who consistently voted to find him guilty. I quickly wrote Hancock a note of appreciation.

There’s not much consolation to be had, and I won’t rehash Paxton’s corrupt career nor the proceedings, though I thought it impudent and imprudent of Dan Patrick, at the end of proceedings, to blame it all on the House who should have not impeached in the first place. Talk about impartiality.

I am angry. I am furious. I am dismayed that I live in a state where corruption and greed rule. I don’t intend to be silent, but I feel helpless, and I don’t like it.

My day was brightened, however, about two o’clock when the phone rang—a number I didn’t recognize so I didn’t answer. It quit ringing, but whoever it was called right back, and I saw that it was a call from Omaha. Normally the origin of the call doesn’t mean much, but I answered just in case. And it was one of the people in this world I most treasure: Martha Andersen, who I’ve known since the early Sixties.

We were in graduate school, working on master's degrees, at Kirksville State Teachers College (now Truman State University) in Missouri. Our fathers knew each other, which was our initial contact. Her fiancé and my soon-to-be husband hit it off, and the four of us spent a lot of time together, until they left as Dick’s work took him to Kansas and then Nebraska and we moved to Texas. But we kept up, and they visited. After my divorce, I spent a lot of time on the phone with Martha, and in later years the three of us went to Santa Fe and they made a couple of trips to Fort Worth. When they sublet a condo in Hawaii, Jordan and I flew out to spend days with them.

It was and always has been on of those friendships that just clicked. We can go weeks, months without talking and then pick up right where we left off. She is sometimes a beta reader for something I’ve written, and she’s good—I take her ideas and comments seriously. Today we talked about my kids and hers and where they are today. For most people, that’s idle conversation, but we really care. She talked about gratitude after all we’ve both been through—and I had to stop and think for a moment. I worry about her health, but I don’t think of myself as having been through a lot. But then there was divorce and cancer surgery years ago and in recent years the hip, and I realized she has always been there for me.

Bittersweet: neither of us travel these days, so I doubt we’ll ever hug again. Makes that phone conversation all the more precious. I have her number in my computer, and I intend now to all often and a lot. Email isn’t enough.

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