Living in a judgmental world

 

Don't judge! Home alone on Sunday night, you have sardine toasts.
Sardines, on buttered garlic toast, with tomato, pickled onion, and lemon juice.
so good!

Sunday mornings these days I wake up with a one-word question on my mind: “Church?” I always hope for an early enough answer from the Burtons so that I have time to look presentable. Like I don’t want to show up in church with still-wet hair or no make-up. So today, Christian, Jacob, and I went to church.

The sermon text was from Matthew, the parable about noticing the speck in your neighbor’s eye without being aware of the log in your own eye. The point, of course, was that we live in a judgmental society. We judge others without looking at our own weaknesses. It hit home with me because I’m aware I tend to rush to judgment.

I’ve been working on my own tendency to be judgmental for a long time, though I’m not sure the work has done that much good. This morning, I noticed a young woman in church with bleached blond hair, poorly cut, dry as straw—and that was my impression of her. Until I told myself she was young and she was in church, and that was to her credit. Wasn’t it too bad that someone couldn’t reach out to her and help her make her hair more attractive.

There was a young mother sitting off to the side with a toddler, maybe two years old. Still in the phase of uttering sounds rather than speaking—and utter sounds she did, throughout the entire service. The mother made half-hearted attempts to shush her and to replace the hymnals the child scattered on the floor. I felt sorry for the mom, because I assume she wanted to be in church badly enough that she endured the child’s antics. I didn’t even judge because she didn’t put the child in the nursery, because I remembered the time I tried that with Jacob. He was terrified of the volunteer who scooped him up in her arms, and he held his arms out to me, his eyes pleading to go home. So I understood this mom. But I still judged because the noise was a distraction. Every time the child screeched, I found myself involuntarily turning my head in that direction. But it was Jacob who in the car said, “Speaking of judgmental ….” and mentioned the child. In the car between church and home we caught ourselves in three instances of judgmentalism. We had a good laugh about it, but the truth is that our tendency to rush to judgement, as a society, is a real problem.

Judgmentalism particularly does not belong in church. We all know that church membership in this country is declining gradually, but Russ told us this morning that the principal reason for the decline is the judgmentalism that people meet in church. My church describes itself as open-hearted, a place where all are welcome without judgment. I wonder how much that works out in truth.

My mom was fond of aphorisms, and one that she quoted often was, “Never judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.” Today it makes me think of the blonde in church or the young mother. I am too prone, despite myself, to spot the weakness in people rather than the good. I’m still working on it. Today a woman posted online complaining that middle school kids waiting for the bus were standing on her lawn. I suggested she go talk to them, and she replied it was their problem, not hers. I replied gently that if it bothered her, it was her problem. Kids that age probably had no idea that it offended her, and I repeated she should talk to them if it bothered her. I’d call her judgmental, but my bad was that I added that I was sure glad I wasn’t her neighbor.

Back to church for a moment. After the service, we were talking to the associate minister who said as she was writing the prayer for today’s service, the verdict from the Paxton impeachment came in, and she had a real conflict praying not to be judgmental. We all had a good laugh, but in truth that story hit too close to home. Politicians? Especially Republicans? Feel free to judge, especially after this weekend. (I only half mean that as a joke.)