Pork tenderloin ready to roll into a log.
Too much stuffing for the meat, but oh! it was good!
The landscape was surreal.
Snow covered a narrow valley, the road curved through pastures where an
occasional horse stood at the fence watching, stiff as though frozen. The
craggy, almost hostile cliffs of the Rocky Mountains loomed over us. As the
road climbed, we sailed through one of those curves with nothing on the other
side, where you’re aware of how easy it would be just to fly off in space. There
were children in the car, and we were looking for their mother. I have no idea
who was driving, but we were in a Volkswagen van, not a new one. When we came
to a side road, two dogs approached, one badly injured—a knife gash in its front
leg.
Suddenly I knew what we would
find at the end of that side road, and I didn’t want to go. It was like reading
a bloody thriller novel or seeing a gory movie—I wanted to slam the book shut,
run out of the theater. I wanted out of that dream.
I knew I was dreaming, and I told
myself to fix my mind on some piece of reality, not the dream. It was Sunday
morning, so I held fast to the idea of church. Then I tod myself to throw the
covers back, swing my legs over the side of the bed, and sit up so I would know
I was in my cottage and not on some back road in the Rockies.. But I could
barely move. My arms were sluggish, as though plowing through thick mud. Inch
by inch I moved the covers, all the while telling myself not to panic. And
then, suddenly, I could move my arms normally. I sat on the edge of the bed and
“collected” myself, while Sophie came to see if I was okay.
I had just had an episode of
sleep paralysis. At first, I thought it was a nightmare, but when I read the
description of nightmare, there was nothing about not being able to move. Somehow,
I came across a reference to sleep paralysis, with the reassuring words, “Your
body will wake up.” It doesn’t happen often, but your mind wakes before your
body. This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced it, but it was one of the most
graphic and frightening. There aren’t a lot fo studies or protocolsl for
treatment. Generally, such episodes are believed to be caused by stress. Sleep
paralysis is said to occur more often in the second half of your sleep. And
then there’s something called hypnagogic jerk, in which the sleeper jerks awake
suddenly. Most likely to happen as you fall asleep, it’s also something I’ve
experienced and it’s also due to stress.
I would tell you I am not
stressed. Except for the world picture, which is a biggy, there’s not a lot in
my oh-so-fortunate life to stress me. I would tell you I am blessed most nights
with the ability to sleep soundly. Even when natures calls, I can go right back
to sleep. I have a regular sleep pattern, if idiosyncratic: up until about
midnight, sleep until eight or so, and a good long afternoon nap. Yes, anxiety
has been my lifelong friend. But I am rejecting the idea of stress or anxiety
and taking comfort in the words I found today: Your body will wake up. I think
the next episode will be less scary.
On a more cheerful note, it
was a cooking weekend. Friday, I made a big batch of pimiento cheese, an
acquired taste since I don’t think I ever had it as a kid. Is it a southern
thing? Anyway, as one guest suggested, it was “house made.” Served it to guests
and ate so much it was my dinner. Saturday, I made turkey bundles in crescent
rolls—my honest impression? The turkey and sauce (cream cheese, dill, a green
onion, celery salt, and sour cream) was delicious, but it lost something when
baked. I’m still learning, after two years, to adjust to my oven which bakes
hot, and I did them a bit too long.
But tonight, with help, I
outdid myself; a stuffed pork tenderloin and fresh fruit salad. The tenderloin
has cream cheese (I blew through a lot of that this weekend) with fresh spinach,
pesto, and bacon. Christian pounded the tenderloin flat for me, and Jordan tied
it into a roll—a family effort. It was delicious, though when Jordan tried to
slice it, it “exploded,” and we didn’t get pretty slices. Still, it’s
definitely a keeper recipe. As I studied it, I decided though the recipe said
tenderloin, it really meant pork loin. For example, it said to bake 60 to 90
minutes. If you did that to a tenderloin, you’d have jerky. So I adapted. And
was pleased with it. And a fruit salad was a pleasant change.
Going to sleep on a happy note
tonight. Cheers for a good new week for everyone.
"Exploded" pork tenderloin plated with fruit salad
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