After an edgy day, I'm back at work on my second mystery novel. Edgy, I think, because this retirement thing is big and scary. I am worried about what I'm going to do all day, though everyone tells me I'll be busier than ever. If I don't get my balance and self-confidence back, though, I won't be able to go many places and that won't be fun. So I'm working at that. Also at the office, I much aware of being a lame duck--today we discussed the Annual Autograph Extravaganza, held in December, and I knew it wasn't right of me to call all the shots. I have some doubts about the program Susan and Melinda want, but I'm going with the flow. I guess I worry about not only myself but the press; however, I well know no one is indispensable and that includes me. Also, some days I'm just not busy. So I guess all this is making me anxious--and for me anxiety has always been a problem. It's worse in mid-day, so I'm wondering if it's low blood surgar (Melinda's diagnosis).
Anxiety aside I decided to devote the evening to the novel. Fred has given me his notes and that gives me new impetus. I'm starting reading at the beginning, and you know what? It's not at all bad. I like the tone, the people (who by now are family). But I'm sure most writers feel that way--when you first write it, you think it's worthless, but as you rework it, it grows on you. I do that even with my occasional columns for the Dallas Morning News.
Last night, I took my courage in my hand and queried the publisher who has had my first novel for six months. Haven't heard, and don't quite know what I'll do if I get a negative reply, though I read on the Sisters in Crime listserv all the time about authors who have "fulls" (as in full manuscripts opposed to partials) out on request and then are rejected. When I wrote about the American West, that never happened, so this is all new territory--but then I had an agent and now I don't. In any case, I'm rereading the second one with an eye to writing out the references to the first one and making it first in the series, just in case. There was an editor interested in the premise of the second one but not the first some time ago, so I might do that.
At any rate, it feels good to be back at my writing and realize it's not drivel.