The snowflake

On the Sisters in Crime listserv, I'm what's known as a pantser--I write by the seat of my pants. I start with a general idea of who the characters are, who is murdered, and who does it. And then I write, figuring inspiration will come as I write and the characters will reveal themselves to me. Well, this time, it isn't working, partly because I keep getting distracted by projects with more definite goals and partly because I got about 35,000 words, knew where it was going, and was completely stymied. Then someone on one of the lists I read mentioned the snowflake method, which is essentially starting with a basic shape and adding layers--it is the creation of a software engineer, who says it's akin to designing software.
Randy Ingermanson recommends several steps, and I decided to follow them carefully: write a one-sentence synopsis, then a one-paragraph. Then write a page about each of your major characters. That's where I am now, and it's been an amazing experience. I realized things about my characters that I never knew. I know lots of authors make lengthy outlines or notes about their characters, and now I can see why--what I'm finding out will profoundly affect the shape of the novel. I'm not rushing into this and dashing off descriptions of all the characters in one night--I do one or two at a time and take time to consider how they affect the development of the story. I'll go back to the novel with renewed interest--if a less speculative job doesn't intervene. I'm becoming a definite believer in some pre-work before  you write.
My family is already all abuzz with holiday plans, visit plans--we're going to have a lot of togetherness in the next couple of months, and I couldn't be happier about it. But oh those plans get complicated! Herding cats might be easier. Apparently I've missed a couple of emails, so I'm not up to the minute on the plans. I used to feel I had to be information central, and it startled me that the children were communicating with each other without going through me. Now they're apparently communicating with each other and leaving me out of the loop. Does age make you irrelevant?
I did have a senile moment this evening and was going to confess it on the blog--only now I can't remember what it was. Oh, dear.

It was a dark and stormy night . . . .and death of a mother

It is truly a dark and stormy night, and Megan is driving from Austin with Sawyer and Ford. The big boys in the family--my sons Colin and Jamie, my son-in-law Brandon and his brother Gavin, are all fishing in Montana. So we're having a girls weekend in Fort Worth, with regrets that Houston is just too far for Lisa to make it and bring Morgan and Kegan. But Megan is having an awful drive--she planned to leave home at 3:30--whether she did or not, I don't know, but at 5:30 she said she was almost to Belton, and I expressed relief that she was past Salado where there was reported to be water on the road. Then she called to say she was still south of Salado, and half an hour later she reported she had moved four miles--massive traffice pile-up. I don't know whether it was due to an accident or just the weather. Last report, she was at West, which is just over an hour from here, so I'm looking for her shortly--it's 8:55 right now. I'm glad she brought sandwiches for the boys, and I have wine and supper waiting for her. Will be much relieved when she gets here.
Tomorrow morning, Mel and her girls, Maddie and Edie, will arrive, and weather permitting they'll all go to the zoo, while Juju goes to Central Market. Then early naps for the little ones and Juju, a play date for the children, tacos for supper, and the big girls will go bar-hopping while Maddie, Edie, and I babysit. I don't think the big girls are much used to bar-hopping these days, and I expect them home early.
Meantime I have work out the kazoo--three major projects due in October, and this weekend will see no work on any of them. But I always make my deadlines, and I will again. Retirement is not for sissies.
Scooby is happily in the house and away from the storms--the skies are still rumbling and thundering. A dark and stormy night indeed . . . .
A friend of Jordan's lost her mother to cancer this week. Jordan and Christian went to the viewing last night (I told Jordan tonight when I pass on, no viewing!) and she went to the funeral today. This morning she sent me an email that made me cry--it said, "I love you Mommie. Going to the funeral of a friend's mother is no fun." Tonight she asked if I had a file on my funeral, and I said yes I do. I want "Amazing Grace," preferably by a bagpiper, and I want "Go my children, with my blessing." I asked her if she'd know what to write for an obituary and she said no, so I need to do that. She and the other children know my parents as Grandmother and Grandfather, but I don't think they've ever thought about their real names, or some of the history of my life before they became a conscioius part of it. And I told her I wanted to stress that I was a mother and grandmother most importantly--author and publisher came after that. My friend Jean said this would make Jordan appreciate me more, but I said Jordan already appreciates me. I believe that, however, it may change her perception. Death is never easy.
And a thought on politics: like much of the nation I'm appalled at Joe Wilson's outburst during President Obama's speech, apology notwithstanding. I wonder what's become of civility in our country, and I am worried--okay terrified--by the partisan split. I read an editorial today that a country divided, like ours, is more vulnerable to terrorist attack--which seems true to me. When did we lose our sense of civility and good manners? A small matter, but I refused to let Jacob come to the dinner table tonight without a shirt on--it seems to me on such small matters the basis of consideration for others is built. What's happened to our society? And how can we fix it?

A busy day

This will be a short blog, full of typos, because I'm in Frisco at Jamie's house. I came for Maddie's tenth b'day, only to learn that Maddie woke with strep throat this morning. But the day started earlier with a wonderful, exciting meeting with an author (I promised Marcia I'd say that but it was true--she brought her sister Sandy and we all laughed as much as we did work--some of the topics don't bear repeating here, but a good time was had by all.) We went to one of my favorite restaurants for lunch and lingered long and, I'm afraid, loudly. Marcia has truly been an easy and pleasant author to work with, and although I've known her distantly to for years, I have really enjoyed getting to know her so much better over the last year and a half. 

I rode to Dallas with Marcia and Sandy and they delivered me to Jamie's office at the Trade Center in Dallas. So now I've had a nice evening with the Frisco Alters, including Maddie who is already feeling better.

Tomorrow I'll try to blog about an unusual book I've just read and enjoyed. It's given me new thoughts about small press publishing.

A potpourri

Busy day at the office, catching up on all kinds of things I don't like to do, such as budgets, trying to figure ways to cut costs and still produce quality books, trying to ignore the large database that A&M wants us to provide on all our titles, wondering why print-on-demand titles have been so easy and now the process suddenly seems complicated. We took Susan for a delayed b'day lunch at Cafe Aspen--her actual birthday was one of the days we were iced in. Had a good time and traded barbs with the owner, David Rotman, who told me he had a special seat for me, way in the back--under a tree and about six feet from the dumpster. Good lunch though, and we had a pleasant time.
Tonight was supposed to be the night that Betty and I went for our weekly dinner, but Jordan called to ask if if I could Jacob. So Betty agreed she'd love to come here and have dinner with Jacob. I defrosted groud chicken, preparing to make chicken burgers with basil mayo, and then Jordan called to say Christian would get Jacob and I didn't need to worry about him. After a long time, it occurred to me that Jacob and Christian could come eat supper with us, since the chicken was already defrosted--Jacob ate almost a whole chicken patty by himself, and Betty loved his company though she couldn't understand him (who can?) and asked Christian, "Did I do all right?" In short it was a pleasant, comfortable evening.
I wish I had something intellectual to add to the day's post, but I don't. I'm reading a so-so mystery, not getting far on my own but moving in small jumps. I am indignant about the partisanship that is showing up in Congress already--I agree with President Obama's plea for quick action, but I just wish I knew enough to know what quick action is right. Maybe none of us know, and any action is better than stalling. What I do know is that budget cuts hit hard at the press, and I am forced to make some difficult decisions. The suggestions that I cut back on ourside readers for manuscripts brought howls of dismay from the scholars on my board, so I'm rethinking it. But their suggestion that cuts be made in other areas is easier said than done. At the same time, it's dismaying to read of all those who are losing their jobs, and I feel fortunate and safe. Hope I'm not fooling myself.
I'm going to try to finish the so-so mystery because I've ordered the new Julia Spencer-Fleming on my KIndle and Jacob is coming tomorrow night. Perfect reading while watching him.

Reflections on the year past and that to come

I started the new year with half my family present for ham and black-eyed peas. I had not been able to give the Frisco Alters their Christmas gifts until today so that was fun--I apparently scored with Maddie with a book that I thought was really sophisticated for her age but she badly wanted. It's a beautifully designed, partly graphic novel titled The Invention of Henry Cabrolet. Edie got a huge map of the world puzzle and had it all put together right after dinner. When she decided it was time to go home, she began organizing everyone's belongings. Both girls got small secondary gifts--things that had come my way one way or another but not through purchase--and Edie was almost more intrigued with her SPCA fuzzy blanket than she was the puzzle. We had a happy evening, and Jacob loved playing with his cousins, though Maddie snuck off some to the back room to read her book. A little after eight, Jacob made it plain he was ready to go home, drink his milk, and go to sleep, so now they are all gone. Mel had done most of the dishes for me, which was a boon, and I finished up the few left and am settled at my desk.

Last night I didn't exactly welcome the new year in. As I have for many years, I stayed home and treated it as an ordinary night, so by midnight I was sound asleep. But staying home on New Year's Eve, plus having to write a self evaluation for my boss, are both good occasions to reflect on the year past. I think one of the big lessons I learned is that in my office I am the boss, and I need to be less conciliatory and more of a decision maker. Recently, when I was faced with a difficult decision, Melinda said to me, "Make it a business decision." And although it may be late in the game, I'm learning to do that. For most of the year, my resolution to succeed at writing mysteries was strong, but it sort of went by the wayside the last couple of months. Certainly I have learned a whole lot, some of it most disconcerting, about the mystery publishing world--so different from the academic atmosphere in which I spend my days. In 2008 I shared some wonderful times with family and friends, even if my trip to Scotland didn't happen. And turning 70 was a major milestone for me--good because I feel I don't look or act seventy (okay, if my kids are reading this there are some major exceptions) but still I am aware that 70 puts you clearly into the senior citizen category. It's hard for me to believe that I am 70 and have a son who will be 40 this year. Good heavens! Where did those years go?

2008 was of course an unsettling year for people everywhere--wars, high gas prices, then falling gas prices with a failing economy, bizarre weather, you name it. But like most of the country, I look to 2009 with optimism. Poor President-elect Obama--I think we all expect him to work magic that cannot be worked. But I do believe he'll set us on the right path, and I hope Americans will realize that our various crises cannot be solved in an instant. What do I want for myself? More good time with family and friends (the family is already talking about a ski trip next Christmas). Success for TCU Press and opportunities to take advantage of challenges we're now missing because we're overworked. And, yes, I want to see my mystery accepted and published. And, a biggie for me, I want to lose 20 lbs. If Lisa could do it, so can I. I don't feel fat but the numbers on the scale horrify me. Having been so skinny for much of my early life ("Judy, dear, can you eat a little more"), I find it hard to see myself as overweight--but I am. So like every new year, 2009 brings challenges, hopes, wishes, and maybe something unexpected and wonderful.

I wish that for all of you.

Visiting and working

I spent probably 20 hours in Frisco this weekend, visiting Jamie and Mel, Maddie and Edie, and had a lovely time--good visits with the girls, though they are very self-contained and entertain themselves for hours, so sometimes adults don't see much of them. Sunday morning, Jamie went to work out, Mel and I both slept late, and it was eleven o'clock before the girls came downstairs. They'd been playing doctor, with Edie as the patient with a broken arm--Maddie is going to wear out that ace bandage, which she sometimes wraps around her own arm for effect. I had great adult visits though--talking politics separately with each of them (we all agree, but we can get vehement about our agreement). One highlight was that Jamie and I went to buy me a new Spring Instinct phone which does everything--phone, email, GPS, weather, voice reognition, camera, lots more than I ever thought I'd want. Then we spent much of the weekend setting it up (Jamie had lots of good laughs out of that and I won't embarrass msyelf with my technical lack of expertise) and teaching me to use it. We also went to a new grocery, Market Store, that is sort of a combination of an upscale grocery and a Central Market high end store. The produce and meat and seafood--lots of it organic and all very fresh--line the perimeter of the store, while the ordinary daily goods canned and dry goods are in the center. An hour and a half in the store passed quickly.
It was a wonderful weekend but as always I was glad to get home, though I detoured through Coppell. Jamie drove me there where Jordan and Christian were having dinner with his family. I came home with Jordan and Jacob, who'd eaten too much cake and chattered animatedly (and meaninglessly) most of the way.
From Saturday morning to late Sunday evening is not long and yet it seemed like I'd been away a long time. Unpacking, catching up with the animals--Sue had kindly taken care of them--catching up with email and the Sunday paper. Thanks goodness today was a holiday--I slept till 8:30 this morning, went to Central Market, and have been home working all day.
I'm rewriting again and sometimes wondering if I'll ever move forward or just keep rewriting. But I see where I'd gone amuck--one was to follow an editor's suggestion (without any promise of interest) to make the second novel the first. I tried hard to weave the back story into it, but I wasn't happy with the result, and Fred said the rewrite lacked the unity or coherence of my usual work. His other comment was that I was letting a subplot take over too much of the story. The problem was a famliar one to writers--I got so intrigued by one event that I let it take over. A designer friend of mine said she knew why a cover she was working on wasn't right--she was so determined to use one element, that it got away with the job. Once she discarded it, the cover worked. I'm hoping the same is true of me.
A friend, divorced after a long marriage, told me someone advised her to shoot her husband in his sorry ass. I laughed a lot--and saw it as the opening of a novel. It worked great, but then what did I do with that story in a novel about a serial killer? That's why I'm starting over. And each time I go through I see places where I can flesh the story out with more details, more description. Fred always tells me to stop hurrying through things, pointing out his wife likes the descriptions as well as the plot. He's write I do hurry--and if I'm not careful, I could write a whole novel in dialog. I did three chapters today, but I think I can only do two even on a good day. I begin to lose my edge.
Back to work tomorrow. A note of thanks to those who advised me to see a doctor about my balance and others who might have worried. I have done so, though I know very well it's part of my lifetime anxiety disorder--sometimes I can keep it under control and sometimes I can't. This time it has come out in the classic fear of open spacees--let me walk next to a walll, a line of parked cars, a person, and I'm fine--but don't ask me to cross an open parking lot alone. I have developed some coping skills (ways to avoid being confronted) but I know I have to face the problem and have taken steps to do that too. I appreciate your concern.

Company Weekend

All my kids will be home this weekend. They'll celebrate my 70th with a party Sunday night at a local Mexican favorite--Joe T.'s. They've rented a separate small building the restaurant owns and have invited lots of my nearest and dearest. I'm excited about it, so excited that I've decided I'm wound tight and that accounts for my recent lack of balance, a fear I'm now letting go of. And tonight, the first of the family arrived--Colin and Lisa, Morgan and Kegan. Morgan is just old enough to remember that she's been here, likes it, knows me, etc. For Kegan, I'm unexplored territory, though we snuggled on my bed while he had his bottle and he gave me lots of smiles and a kiss when he went to bed. Both kids thought my playroom was a delight--toys that while many times recycled were new to them. I hadn't expected the kids so early, so I rushed and defrosted bison ribeyes (medium report--gristly but flavorful, not as juicy as a beef steak). And I meant to make two King Ranch casseroles tonight, then decided I'd just cube the chicken, and got none of it down. My new resolve is not to worry about things like that. Lisa will help me, and we'll get it done tomorrow. I'm certainly not going to start cutting up three chickens at ten o'clock at night!
I was thinking about frugality today. With the state of the economy, rising gas prices and grocery bills (would you believe I spent $170 today?), everyone is feeling frugal--except me. For the first time in my life, I'm indulging in the little things--the slightly better wine, the bigger package of something, the shoes I really want even if I don't need them. And if it's for my grandkids? Well, why not two packages of ice cream cups instead of one? I bought makings for smoothies and makings for a trail mix type of snack, and I bought some new little toys for the playroom--self-inking washable stamps, crazy colors, and so on. It's a wonderful feeling to think that if I want something I can buy it--within limits of course but without the frugality that has governed my whole life. Oh, sure, I've wasted a lot of money along the way--bad purchases, bad investments, but don't we all? And no use crying over that. I think my motto today, in view of my non-frugality and my kid-filled weekend, is "Carpe diem!"
Tomorrow, pictures of the babies.

Friends, Finances, and Family

Last summer a group of 15 women met two or three times on my front porch. All writers of one sort or another, they were contributors to a TCU Press book called Grace & Gumption: Stories of Fort Worth Women. We met to hash out who would write what chapter, what women would be included in each chapter, with several women sometimes "trading" for the multitalented woman they wanted in their chapters. During these sessions, something wonderful happened--we became a small but close-knit community. Today the book is at the designer, scheduled for October publication. And tonight, all but one of the women returned to the porch for a group picture to go on the back cover. It was a brief but joyous reunion that led the photographer to say we were just great. "Everyone did their own thing," she said. "I loved it." Yep, that's us--doing our own thing. The one woman we missed was central to the project--Katie and I had talked off and on, casually, about the need for such a history for years. One day in March 2006 we invited Ruth to join us for lunch, and the idea became a reality. Katie did a yeoman's job of editing, which she and I finally described as "herding cats." She was called out of town by a death in the family, but her picture, as editor, will be on the inside jacket flap. And everyone else was there--though once again it took an effort like herding cats.
On a completely different note, as I marched toward retirement (and then retreated a great deal), I've been trying to get my legal documents and finances in order. This weekend a good friend whose avocation is managing money came to advise me. I was pleased that he thought I'd done extraordinarily well for a single mother and was well set for the future, but he pointed out a couple of areas I needed to consider. One was a stock I bought for $750 in 1956 when I was seventeen, working and not yet in college--my father told me never to touch it, and I haven't. It is today worth more than I'm sure Dad ever dreamed--and surely more than I did. But it shows signs of "volatility" and Jim said I might consider selling. Today on the phone he said, "You know, I can't really tell you what to do. I sense you have a sentimental attachment to the stock." I'd never thought about being sentimentally attached to a stock, but he was probaby right--my father told me to buy it and told me never to sell it, and I haven't. But a stock isn't warm and fuzzy--I think I can get beyond that sentimental attachment. I'm sure Dad would understand.
For some time now I've been planning a menu for the brunch we'll have aftre the grandbabies are dedicated Sunday, though it would help if I had a better idea of how many to expect. But now I've started to put out serving dishes, with little slips of paper indicating what goes in each. After all, no one is going to use the dining table before then (the family will have to eat on the porch Saturday night!). I do that routinely before a large party, and it leads Christian to say to Jordan (who does the same thing), "You and your mother have a screw loose." But, hey, it works for us.
What to do about dinner with nine adults and seven children Saturday night has been a great debate. Megan wants a patio where children can play. For various reasons, several patio restaurants are out--smokers, etc. I think the patio will end up being my front porch, and the dinner will be barbecue or Mexican. But I am looking forward to the weekend.