Othering

            I read an article about an elementary school teacher who asks her students each Friday to write down who they would like to eat lunch with next week, be partner with in reading, be on a team with, and so on. Friday nights, she sorts the papers. No, she’s not looking for the most popular kid. She’s looking for the kids whose names never appear, those shunned, lonely, perhaps bullied children who need her special attention. Those are the children who are “othered.” She pays special attention to them.

A friend of mine teaches English at a religiously-affiliated school. She has a transgender student who has had to sit through committee meetings while faculty representatives discuss what bathroom she should use, whether she is a danger to herself and to other students. She is being “othered.” My friend is encouraging her to write about the experience as her semester project, on the theory that exploring her feelings about it will help her sort out what has happened to her.

Nikolaus Cruz, the Parkland, Florida shooter, was “othered.” His parents and stepmother all dead, from what we know he tortured animals, was obsessed with guns, and mentored with a racist supremacy group. Psychiatrists would probably tell you many of his actions were cries for attention. His threats to kill people might be interpreted as “Pay attention to me—I am important too.” His family, society, even the FBI failed him; schoolmates apparently thought him weird and reported him as did a You Tuber, but no one paid attention. He was “othered,” an outcast in society. He took out his anger in the most tragic way imaginable.

No, I’m not saying he is not responsible for his actions nor that society bears the responsibility. Nor am I enough of a bleeding-heart idealist to think that he would have dramatically changed if he’d gotten help at a younger age. But compassion somewhere along the way might have prevented his horrendous action or at least resulted in help for him. We’ll never know.

The article I read about the elementary teacher suggested she in her own way was preventing future school shootings by catching “othered” children at a young age and working to restore their self-esteem.

When was the last time you reached out to a child—or an adult—who was an “other”? Maybe a cup of coffee or a lunch date or even a casual conversation might make the difference. It’s a chance for us to get out of ourselves and pay attention to those around us. It’s a challenge.

Spreading Christmas Cheer

Don’t let Donald Trump fool you, as he fooled all of us so many times. Saying “Merry Christmas” never went out of fashion, and President Obama said it often enough. I’ve adopted it as a slogan this year, and I hope those of other faiths know that when I speak those words, I am really saying, “Happy Holidays.” But for me, because I celebrate Christmas, those particular words are the way to wish people the happiness of the season. It’s amazing in some cases how their faces lighten up when they hear that wish directed at them.

I’ve been out and about, celebrating the season, so I’ve had lots of opportunities to say those words. Two friends came for supper Monday—I cheated and reheated frozen spanakopita from the Greek festival, and we had a jolly time. Yesterday, lunch with good friends from my old office and dinner with three women I’m close to. Tonight, Betty and I went to one of our favorite haunts for supper. For me, that’s a veritable social whirl.

I saw a post on Facebook that suggested several “giving” ways to celebrate the holidays, and one was to reach out from friends that had fallen by the wayside. So I sent one an email, sent another a Jacqui Lawson card, and tonight called a third. Also, since I didn’t do Christmas cards, I did quick, personal email replies to three cards that I received today. Doing my bit to spread Christmas cheer.

Okay, so the Republicans finally shoved through the tax bill with which they’ve been threatening us—but the House couldn’t even get it right, and had to vote twice. Anyone think there’s an omen there? And net neutrality is gone, in the sitting president’s zeal to erase everything President Obama accomplished—but he can’t erase the goodwill and respect Obama earned from most of us—what is wrong with those who continue to hate him? Net neutrality will end up as a Congressional vote and maybe a court case. We’ve got an old, bitter, angry, narcissistic man envying a younger, vibrant, enthusiastic and charismatic man. Petty.

I refuse to let politics dampen the season’s joy, even as I realize the enormity of what’s been foisted on us. This is a season to celebrate and give thanks—come January, maybe about the 8^th (after Twelfth Night), I’ll start worrying about the world again. Meantime, Merry Christmas. Reach out, do what you can to make it a joyous season for others.

And take time to contemplate the wonder of Christmas lights, the joy of the music. Enjoy, whatever holiday you’re celebrating.

Thoughts of a worried Christian

We have to work harder this year to keep Christmas in our hearts and spirits, with all the hate surrounding us, here at home and abroad. I am appalled at news clips and photos of a mob protesting in front of a mosque, a pig’s head thrown at a mosque, a Muslim shopkeeper beaten for his religion.

The love, care and concern being expressed apparently aren’t as good news copy—you don’t see much about the $100,000 raised by American Muslims for the San Bernadino victims and their families. Nor do you see the outreach to the Muslim community by most of the diverse groups that make up America—the Jewish community, Hispanic organizations, and some Christian groups. To our shame, many of those angrily protesting at the mosque probably call themselves Christian.

I have always been frightened by Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, but now I am truly terrified—how can so many Americans support Trump’s blatant racism, his echoes of Hitler, Senator Joe McCarthy, and George Wallace. And why does he himself not realize he’s playing into the hands of ISIS, creating the division by which they will conquer? Ted Cruz is not far behind him (except in the polls) with his calls for carpet bombing. Yes, let’s kill thousands more innocent people to wipe out the small number of radicals.

Really, which is more frightening—a radicalized Muslim or a radicalized Christian?

A friend wrote in a post today that he feels that our country is so fraught with tension that it’s about to explode—and he obliquely predicted that explosion would come as civil war. It seems a possibility to me, and I think we cannot set back and let things unfold. We have to be proactive.

Meantime, we wrap gifts (I made good progress today), plan for holiday parties, and go about our lives as if the world was as peaceful as it was during Jimmy Carter’s administration—the only president who has not presided over a war.

I think we have to do more. I read a post with the headline, “What to do if a Muslim moves into your neighborhood.” The advice? Take them food, clothes, personal items, blankets—all the things they will need. Reach out and welcome them into the community. Sure, we all have to be watchful for suspicious behavior and not just from brown-skinned people who dress differently from us but everyone. But if we let suspicion and fear replace love and joy, we have lost the battle. We have to keep Christmas in our hearts.