Sugar, not vinegar

My mother was fond of aphorisms, and one of her favorites was, “You catch more flies with a teaspoon of sugar than you do with a cup of vinegar.” I’ve tried to live my life with that in mind, though I admit sometimes I’ve failed abysmally. Still, I think it’s a terrific guiding principle, and I am pleased my children seem to have gotten that message.

One of the things I’ve tried to teach my grandchildren—all seven of them, I’m proud to say—is to eliminate the word “hate” from their vocabularies. It’s a pretty strong, vulgar word, and I don’t see any need for them to say it ever. One smart sophist amongst them asked me if it wasn’t all right to say, “I hate it when my collar is too tight.” He knew full well and good I wanted him to eliminate the word in reference to people—and probably all living beings, even creepy crawlers.

I am disturbed at the level of hate in this country. Perhaps the white supremacists are the most outstanding public example, but I am particularly disturbed by the vitriol on Facebook about the Clintons and the Obamas. There’s also a swelling chorus aimed at 45, though it hasn’t reached choir proportions yet.

One friend posed the question of why, whenever something negative is posted about 45, someone chimes in with an accusation about Hillary or Obama. Why indeed? That has nothing to do with the subject at hand. If you are talking about 45’s behavior or decisions or tweets, accusing Obama of something is totally irrelevant. But such is the level of blind, unthinking hatred.

I shared a classy picture of Michelle Obama with a line that reminded that she is the most educated First Lady ever, with two degrees from Harvard and Princeton. Immediately someone responded, “Why is she so stupid?” Requests from me and several others to explain why the sender though Michelle was stupid went unanswered, leading us to believe the person didn’t really exist or was a troll or a bot (whatever the heck that is). But it all indicates a level of hate that I can’t imagine.

The people who hate—those who claim that Hillary is a criminal and should be locked up, that Obama was the worst president ever and ruined the country, the man who sees 45 as the Lord’s warrior (really?)—have no substance to back up their arguments. They just throw these statements into the mix and then accuse me of being a blind liberal. I have learned the hard way that it is senseless to argue with them, because facts mean nothing in their world. But it worries me that there are many in this country who harbor, even nurture, such emotions.

As for the level of hate on our streets, that too scares me. I remember the fear I knew as a child on the South Side of Chicago, and today I keep thinking how I’d feel if I were a black woman, watching my son, eighteen or twenty-eight, go out the front door at night and wondering if he’d come home alive. Will he be shot by an over-zealous law enforcement officer? Will he be the target of racial violence? As a female and a mother, I can understand fear a lot more than I can hate.

I don’t want to live in a country, a world where hate has such a strong presence, but I have no idea how to combat it. Hate is blind, unreasoning, the last weapon of the underdog. I pray for our country.

Watching the Debate

I didn’t mean to watch the debate tonight, but a friend called and asked if she could come watch it with me, so of course I agreed. Then she called to say that her wallet had been stolen, presumably in the parking lot of Trader Joe’s.  She called the police and then lamented, “They treated me like a little old lady.” I told her that was what we were—didn’t mean to be unsympathetic, but it’s the truth. Linda went back home to Granbury to sort her life and credit cards out. I presume we’ll connect for the next debate. Darn! I was going to make salmon croquettes for her.

By then, though, I had decided it was my civic duty to watch the debate, and I did. Jordan wandered out, said she didn’t want to watch it. Christian and Jacob were both watching programs inside, and as she said, “Everyone’s doing their thing. That’s good.” But I sort of thought she was sad that her thing is laundry, etc.

I guess I’m out of step with the world. Liberal friends and acquaintances are posting about how awful Trump was and brilliant Hillary was. I didn’t find it so. Trump was, as one poster on Liberals without Borders commented, not orange. And he didn’t throw the hissy-fit that many had predicted. He answered with clear statements and precise numbers-need the fact checkers to tell us about those numbers. Yes, he did talk over Hillary but otherwise he was controlled and reasonable. Hillary had all the answers ready, as she always does—she was reasonable, businesslike but not cordial or friendly. I hear so much about differing expectations-because she’s a woman she must appear softer and more friendly. Poppycock: she’s not presenting herself as a woman but as a candidate for a high office. And I thought she did a good job.

Now I’ll wait to check the fact-checkers. I had heard that a different standard would be applied to the two candidates—in essence, if Trump managed to hold his temper he’d win because he’d be asked less difficult questions. I didn’t find that to be true at all. But I will wait for the pundits to tell me who won.

Otherwise, a slow damp Monday. Never did rain but looked like it could. I was content to stay inside, though when I opened the door for Sophie I could feel the coolness and smell a touch of fall in the air. It will, I’m told, be gone by tomorrow.