|Do I look like an old woman? Hush--don't answer that!|
But at three o'clock this morning I would have told you I knew unequivocally what aging is like. My hip ached so badly that no position was comfortable for long. I tossed, I turned, I was too hot, I was too cold, I went to the bathroom more than once.
Two thoughts dominated: first, this is aging--first your feet hurt, then your hip, then your low back. It's always something, and you're losing mobility and never going to be independent, happy, and well again. My second bizarre thought sprang from my unproven belief that in some people the body goes, in others the mind. If my body felt this awful, my mind was going to stay alert--I considered that a blessing. I also toyed with the idea that I had done more permanent damage than I thought when I fell a few months ago and envisioned a scenario where I had to go for x-rays. Didn't quite work myself up to the stage of a hip replacement, but I was close.
IF I feel "off" or bad or whatever, I always want to assign a reason, so in the dark of the night I blamed the exercises I'd done that day, straight from the physical therapist's directions, or perhaps the fact that I'd been on my feet cooking the last two days.
Finally about six, I put the dog out and did what I should have done hours earlier--took two aspirin. At three, I would have protested that I didn't have a headache; at six, I told myself aspirin is good for muscle aches. Went back to bed and woke at 8:45, feeling chipper and fine. A few tentative steps and the hip was fine too.
Yes, I know I must exercise, but I'm going to take it easy for a few days. And yes, I know I have to--and want to--stay active. Strange how we have those dark nights of the soul, only to emerge feeling healthy, happy and grateful for God's good world and his love.