Long Live the Queen! But not some others

Cheers to Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip, who will celebrate their 70^th anniversary on Monday with a private family dinner. In a world dominated these days by sex scandals, their union is a bright ray of hope, a testament that true love does exist. They are also celebrating with a stunning portrait taken in their private quarters in Windsor Castle. Giving my age away: I remember getting up—I guess it was early in the morning here—to listen to the ceremony on a crackly radio. My Canadian father was an Anglophile through and through, and that wedding was a big occasion in our household.

In high contrast, in our country you cannot read a newspaper or Facebook or turn on the TV without being hit in the face with another sex scandal, the details of which you probably don’t want to know. I know I don’t. We have too many Harvey Weinsteins, Donald Trumps, and Roy Moores. But what I feared seems to be happening—accusing sexual predators has gone beyond a search for truth and justice for a few and become a grasp at the brass ring, a chance at fifteen minutes of fame, and, just maybe, a political tool.

When I told a younger friend I’d never been harassed, I recalled a couple of cases of wandering hands and one uninvited kiss that stopped when I said no. To me, harassment is fondling, groping, real physical abuse. My friend patiently explained I have been harassed and don’t realize it (does that imply I’m too dumb to know?). I think a definition is needed here, a line beyond which men—and women—should not go. On the other hand, I think it oversensitive to interpret every move as sexual aggression. An older man wrote today that he sure was glad he was old and married, because he wouldn’t know how to court a woman today without offending. I hate to tell him that being old and married in no way exempts him from an accusation.

That brings me to Al Franken and Leeann Tweeden. Franken of course is the comic turned serious and valuable senator from Minnesota—I certainly had my doubts when he made that dramatic career change, but I have since been impressed with his record. His colleagues praise him, former employees testify to his respect for and defense of women, and—oh yes—Republicans hate him. The incident of the kiss and fake groping took place on a USO tour to entertain the troops, an atmosphere generally known for horseplay. The photographer who took the now-infamous groping photo once claimed it was staged and that the victim was feigning sleep. Note Franken does not actually touch Tweeden’s breast—he was horsing around. Stupid but true.  (The photographer may have rescinded that—I’m not sure).

Far be it from me to accuse the victim but there are a couple of things to think about: Leeann Tweeden is an avowed supporter of 45 who has been active in right-wing causes, appearing on Hannity’s show and other things. Her radio station says she has openly talked about the incident for years, so why is she suddenly so offended—I suspect it’s that “me, too” bandwagon I feared. And a photo of “the kiss” shows her with her arms wrapped around Franken, not fighting him off. Roger Stone, drum beater for the president, apparently knew the Franken accusation was coming before it was public. Mitch McConnell is leading a fervent charge for a complete investigation, while ignoring charges against the titular head of his party and not being nearly as loud in his call for a look at Roy Moore, though I think and hope Moore’s career as a politician and as a predator is toast.

Al Franken has been a gentleman, immediately apologizing, apparently both publicly and privately (the White House had the gall to use that against him), and Tweeden has accepted his apology. Franken has also called for an investigation—and I hope he gets it, because there seem to be a couple of sticky wickets in there. To my mind, he is guilty of one incident—please note that—of boorish behavior in bad taste. A sexual predator? I hardly think so.

If we destroy the lives and careers of good men like Franken, we are going to be left without leadership. I wonder if Jimmy Carter would get a pass today on his admission of lustful thoughts about other women. It’s an atmosphere we’ve allowed to balloon. Men like  Weinstein,Trump, and Moore deserve everything we can throw at them, but let’s show some common sense here.

Okay, all my good progressive buddies, you may start to throw those stones.

Some thoughts on sexual harassment

The current and ongoing dialog about sexual harassment, somehow sparked by Harvey Weinstein who sounds like a sleazebag, is a conversation long overdue, and I heartily cheer it. I particularly applaud that growing public acknowledgement that harassment, like pregnancy, is not just a female problem. Harassment, in fact, is not even a shared problem like pregnancy: it’s solely a male problem. I shared a post on the use of passive voice—we should say men raped women, not women were raped; boys impregnated teens, not teen girls got pregnant. They didn’t do it all by themselves!

But I have an almost embarrassing confession: I have not ever been harassed. I shared this at dinner with my daughter and her husband, and when I said, oh sure, there was the professor who hugged all the girls a little too long and too tight, and the osteopathic physician, a lifetime friend, whose hands wandered a bit when he was treating me, but I don’t call that harassment. At that point, Jordan called for another glass of wine.  But to me, the term implies, “Sleep with me or lose your job,” and I’ve never been in that position. The worst I’ve felt is patronized, like the man who once said to me, “Dr.? Really?” Yes, I have a Ph.D., and yes, I can run an academic press. Oh and there’s the man who hired me for a good-paying job and then took me to dinner and explained how oversexed he was. I told him we weren’t going there because I was newly divorced and vulnerable, and that was the end of that.

In truth, the fact that I’ve never been seriously harassed makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me as a female. Am I not attractive enough? Maybe it’s a compliment, and men saw strength. Whatever, that’s beside the point.

I am interested at how quickly the “Me, too” suggestion went viral on Facebook. The idea was to post that simple phrase if you’ve ever been harassed, and it’s spread like wildfire, which is good recognition for the enormity of the problem. I have special praise for a male friend who chimed in with “Me, too.” I’m sure it related back to his childhood, but brave of him to join the chorus.

I found myself today in the strange position of agreeing with Woody Allen, not one of my heroes, who said he was afraid the current revelations would ignite a new set of witch trials. I think though I’m not sure we saw that in cases like accusations against Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby—women came out of the woodwork with accusations, and I can’t help but wonder about the veracity of some of those charges.

Will the same thing happen again? If I, as, I hope, a reasonably attractive, accomplished woman, at one time a divorcee and a single mom, have never been harassed, surely there are others. The numbers of victims is epidemic, and I recognize that with sorrow in my heart and anger in my brain, but I fervently hope that a lot of neglected women don’t see this as a way to draw attention to themselves.

Harvey Weinstein is going to suffer the just rewards of his long and unpleasant career and, probably, many more men are going to join him in punishment, financial or otherwise. But I hope it doesn’t get out of control. Remember the McCarthy era, those of you who are old enough. And teach that lesson to our younger sisters. Let truth ring out, but let’s not the rest of us try to ride on its coattails.