A good kind of too tired

Last night I posted that I was too tired to write Judy's Stew and several kind people posted with wishes for a good rest and the like. I was so tired I did something I never do: went to bed with dishes in the sink and got up this morning to face soaking flatware and a greasy crockpot. But let me stress: I was the good kind of tired that comes from an evening surrounded by people who are important to me, eating more than my share of food and drinking a tad more wine than wise. When my neighbors and family get together, it's noisy, happy, always an evening full of joy. I can't hear a thing anyone says, but I love it.
We gathered last night to welcome Graham and Heather Brizendine, with son Gage, my new neighbors to the east. We'll see a lot of each other in years to come as we have common driveways. Their house has been a worry to me--rental property in which there have been some people who became dear to me, some whom I never saw, and a couple of difficult ones--like the reclusive couple who threw trash in the bushes or the loud fraternity boys. I've had coeds--they were really polite and considerate--and a three TCU boys who made great neighbors. I had Sue, who has become part ofmy close circle of friends, and her two children for at least three years and grew use to having them nearby, parted with them sadly--but they're not far away. Still I always worried about who would move in next. Now I have a nice family, set to stay for many years--I hope they do.
It was a potluck supper, and I made crockpot barbecue--and announced last night if I ever said I would do it again, someone should commit me (Jay thought I mean commit me to making it but that's not what I had in mind). I remembered how good it was, I just forgot how much work it took. I shredded beef by hand while watching the Boston search. We had a feast--Jay made great potato salad with a definite lemon flavor, Greg and Jaimie brought enough cole slaw for Cox's army, Elizabeth contributed beans, Jordan and Cathy both brought veggies, cheese and snacks. I made a pan of cheater's chocolate chip cookies (so easy) and Cathy brought those bars that are graham crackers with brown sugar, butter and pecans on them--delicious! I hope Heather and Graham don't think we eat that way all the time! But I'm looking forward to a good lunch today. Even Jacob ate barbecue--he thought it was sloppy Joe.
Special thanks to Jordan and Elizabeth for helping put the dinner together, and even more important, putting away leftovers and organizing the kitchen so well that I finished it in under thirty minutes this morning. They freed me to visit with our guests, and I am grateful.
I am so grateful for my small, happy corner of the world!

The world is too much with me tonight

I'm watching the debate and not sure of my reaction, but I don't want to wait for pundits to tell me what to think. The media hypes this up as a close race, a sigificant debate, all because it makes a good story. Obama has done a better job tonight of calling out Romney on contradictions and mistakes, but he's still not as fiery as I'd like him to be. Nobody has asked Romney the hard questions--they're talking right now about offshore investments and outsourcing and Romney says he wants to make America attractive to entrepreneurs. Why doesn't someone ask him about his own offshore investments, his record of outsourcing. Why do people let him keep boasting that he has business experience and knows how to fix budgets when all economists say he's not done that, has a disastrous record. Ask the governor of Massachusetts who said if Romney fixes things, Massachusetts was not one of them. Why doesn't someone ask him about the Republican denial of a job support bill for veterans? The right of women to control their own bodies. It's like they're pussyfooting around the issues--even President Obama, though I admire his civilized demeanor and the fact that he doesn't smirk like his opponent.
It strikes me too that Romney is incrediby naive about the operation of government--he says "I will do this," and "I will do that"--does he recognize that he'd have to work with Congress and that's not as easy as he blithely assumes? Obama has not succeeded with some of his programs because of an obstructionist Republican Congress who openly said their one goal was to defeat Obama and they didn't care if they brought the country to its knees doing that. Now, even if elected, Romny is liable to inhereit a highly Democratiic Congress. Thank God for checks and balances.
All in all the debate was a boring disappointment to me. The moderator did a pretty good job of keeping order and not allowing rude over-riding but it could have been tougher. Still being in that position is a difficult one, and I admire her aplomb. I admire what she was able to do on national TV in front of a huge and harsh audience.
I was intimidated today by speaking to about 40 members of Rotary South--but after two days of anxiety, the talk went well. As my host said, "No one walked out early"--apparently they often do--"and they asked lots of questions." Still, I think I"m tired tonight just from relief that my speech is over. Think how President Obama, Governor Romney, and the moderator,whose name I don't know, must feel!
I'm tired too because I was carried back in time this morning about thirty-five or forty years. I had to get Jacob up and going, fed, dressed, and ready for school. Whew! Haven't had that responsibility in a long time. We made it, and he was ready when Christian came to walk him across the street to school. Then I was off on a round of errands. Yep, I'm weary

Feeling My Age

I too often say, boastfully, that I don't feel my 70+ years  at all, and some kindly say I don't look that old. But yesterday and today I felt them. With my family coming and going at odd times this weekend, I went to two grocery stores yesterday--Central Market for meat and a few other things, then Albertson's for general supplies and canned goods. By the time I went to one, came home and unpacked the groceries, then went to the second and unpacked plus watered my abundant porch plants, it took me three hours, and I was really ready for lunch and to get off my feet. Worked a bit, napped, and by 4:30, I was back in the kitchen cooking steak fingers, green beans vinaigrette, and oven-fried potatoes for Jacob, Christian and Susan--Jordan's colleague who lives with them. That took me an hour and a half, and then after a quick dinner, I had to do dishes.
It occurred to me that I used to cook meals like last night's every night for four kids, and on weeekend I shopped and sometimes cooked for 15-20 on Sunday evening. I don't know that I coiuld do that these days. I'd like to think that it's just the habit of laziness, but much as I love to cook after an hour and a half my back tells me to sit down, even if only for a few minutes.
This morning I spent almost two hours in the kitchen making a huge casserole--I planned to make a double one, but as plans got more vague, I cut back to one and froze the extra ground meat. Still, I had visions of a lovely family dinner--two of my sons and one of my daughters, all with their families. Didn't happen. Jordan, Christian, Jacob and I ate together, though Jacob said he wasn't hungry, agreed to eat broccoli and blueberries, and then ate chicken nuggets, more blueberries but refused the cauliflower (I didn't have more broccoli and Jordan's attempt to pass cauliflower off as white broccoli was unsuccessful). So now I have this huge, rich, fattening, delicious casserole left. Maybe someone will nibble on it over the weekend; I foresee that Jordan and her family and I will be eating it next weekend. Hmmm--one of my overnight guests Tuesday night said they wanted leftovers, I had planned an elegant meal of sea bass in papilotte but you know, hamburger, onion, mushroom, cheese casserole might just sound good. Maybe I can do an exotic dessert.
So here I sit at 8 p.m., the house empty, waiting for Jamie and family who stopped to eat at the Mexican Inn (don't ask for my comment!) and Colin and family, who didn't get off from Houston until almost five and then had car trouble. Not exactly the evening I planned, but it occurred to me that a few years ago that would have sent me into a frenzy. Now I'm quite philosophical about it.
It will still be good to have my family around me, however briefly, this weekend.
Oops. I forgot. I have to go back to the kitchen to make a double recipe of corn/Rotel dip for Jacob's birthday party tomorrow. Woman's work is never done.

Musings

I wish I had weighty thoughts to share, but I don't have a one. My real feeling is that too much has landed on my plate in the last two weeks, and I'm tired. I thought that when I went to the grocery today about 1:30 and my legs felt incredibly tired. Came home, put away groceries, tidied up some details, and had a good nap.
It's no good detailing what all has hit me. Most of you know about Jeannie's husband's aneurysm and our cancelled trip to Scotland. The good news is that he is doing wonderfully well, pretty much a miracle--last night he was sitting up in bed watching CNN. He has a long haul ahead of him, lots of rehab, but it's all positive. I've spent the last week cancelling railroad tickets, airline tickets, b&b reservations, etc. The great good news today was that I can apply for a refund for the tickets without going to the airport--considering that there were thousands and thousands of disgruntled people at DFW because of American's cancelled flights, this was really a good thing. Lightened my load a lot.
Tomorrow I'll go to Frisco. Maddie and her mom are going camping with her Brownie troop, so I'll "hang out" with Jamie and Edie. Home again Saturday to babysit Jacob--first time we've tried having him spend the night. I'm probably not as apprehensive as his mom is. But I do know that I have somehow killed my right shoulder--it's hurts all the time, sometimes acutely, sometimes a dull ache. So picking chunk-a-munk Jacob up will be a challenge. I think I've figured out a left-handed way to do it, if he cooperates. Being with children and granchildren is the kind of relaxation I need--and takes me away from office matters, which have been a bit frustrating lately. I discovered I have 21 days of vacation accrued--I may just run and play for three weeks. Wish I could make myself do that, but I will take some time.
Tonight I experimented and fixed myself a sort-of version of middle Eastern stuffed zucchini. My sort-of version turned out to be bland, so I put a bunch of salt on it--ah, bad. I discovered today, at the doctor's office, that I weigh a whole lot more than I want to, so I'm going to watch cooking with butter, etc., and some of my other bad habits. Ground meat? It's going to be buffao, except that I think I'll make lamb burgers for Jacob's parents Sunday night. (There's always that "except" . . . .)
I found an author whose mysteries I relaly like. Cleo Cloyce who writes a series set in a coffeehouse in Greenwich Village. Such fun to discover a new author. Problem is I zip through all the books. But I have a lot of books on my Kindle that are unread--I was saving them for Scotland, but now I'll start on them--and I'll take the Kindle to Frisco tomorrow.
I'm also going to carry a backpack instead of a purse. I think that might ease my shoulder. We'll see. Maybe I'll look like a college student :-)

My mind is still boggled

I had lunch with my friend and mentor Fred Erisman today--he hand-carried me through graduate school and remains a good friend and source of advice and incidental knowledge (as well as a TCU Press author). He invited me to lunch as a send-off for my trip to Scotland that now is not to be. But when he asked about my gut feeling about TCU Press, I answered in terms of the energy I felt I didn't have, at least not as much as ten years ago. When I got home I realized I was exhausted, my shoulder hurt, my foot hurt, and I was hardly worth worrying about. I had answered out of the depths of not being myself. It's been that kind of a week, from the grant application to the author who claimed I was ruining TCU Press, from Jim Chaffee's emergency surgery to the cancellation of our much-dreamed-of Scotland trip. And top all that off with a garden party for 200 people. No wonder I'm exhausted!
Jim Chaffee is holding his own, not out of the woods, still critical, but, amazingly, still with us. His doctors are calling him a miracle man. That's the most important news, and the only thing that really matters. But the worry is not over, and Jeannie's reaction tonight was, "I'm okay," a sort of controlled okay. She has lots of family around her, which is a blessing.
Ah, but the party. We had 200 people wandering through the most wonderful garden. Set on an acre and a half, it is full of trees, seating areas, a patio here and a pergola there, sculpture everywhere. And the spring bloom was out--redbuds already gone, but wildflowers blooming, a marvelous climbing rose, lots of color. One friend said to me, "Look. There's a piece of sculpture that broke, and they set the two pieces near each other, and it looks great. If I did that, it would look like two broken pieces of sculpture." Eclectic is a mild way of describing this bit of paradise. We served lemonade--a huge hit--and white wine, cheese, crackers, chip and dip, grapes and cookies, and were almost on target with the amount of everything we bought--except we had a lot of wine left over. The TCU Bookstore sold books; two students played harp and violin--perfect garden music, and I could have lingered and listened all afternoon--but I was busy checking on this, that and the other, making more lemonade, being sure the ticket takers were okay, etc. etc. No wonder I was tired today, but the party was a huge success. Many many guests, as they left, commented on what a good time they'd had. And they bought lots of books.
I'm beginning to regroup. I've put away all the Scotland stuff that I had piled on the guest bed, and I'm thinking about short trips to Austin to see my grandsons there and to Tolar (out in the country) to stay with my brother and his wife for a night or two. As all the relatives involved said, it's a poor substitute for Scotland, but these short trips will be getting away.
Tonight Jordan and Jacob came for supper, and that was a great pick-me-up. Jacob is a little flirt--he cocks his head and looks sideways out of his eyes, which are dancing with laughter. Then he grins and laughs aloud. I gave him a surprise--a delicious shortbread cookie left from yesterday--and he threw his arms up exuberantly and yelled, "Juju! Surprise!" I fixed blade steaks tonight--a cut I knew nothing about until I found a recipe somewhere. It even puzzled the butcher, but he figured it out. I cut them in chunks and coated with olive oil, rosemary and garlic, and then threaded the meat onto bamboo skewers that I had soaked for about 30 minutes. They still burned under the broiler, and Jordan went all over the house trying to figure out what was burning and smelled soooo good. I didn't realize until I took them out of the broiler (5 minutes, no turning, and they were a shade too well done but very tender). Steak with buttered broccoli and blue-cheese salad--so good. Jacob ate his first steak and kept saying, "Mo. . . mo . . . "
My energy level is coming back, and I expect to be myself tomorrow. Now if my darned shoulder would only cooperate!