Letting go

A small spell of anxiety yesterday led me to understand that I'd let things get under my skin. It was a bad week--foot surgery, seriously ill dog, a family upset about which no more needs to be said, a manuscript that I obsessed over getting done because it wasn't coming together as I wanted--or the editor and I weren't in agreement. On top of all that, I reviewed a book about agoraphobia. Now why was I dumb enough to do that--that's like bringing all those old ghosts right up here in front.
Today I woke up with that old feeling--will it happen again? This time I took charge, went happily about my errands, did stuff at home. I decided not to obsess about  that incomplete manuscript? I'll get to it, at a leisurely pace, when I can. I'm supposed to be reading galleys of my 2002 novel, Sundance, Butch and Me, but I put a new cozy mysery on my Kindle--it's my treat for tonight. My choice was Lorraine Bartlett's The Walled Flower. Had a "picnic" on the porch with Jacob, took a long nap, and am relaxing about things. Jacob is with me from noon today until two or three tomorrow. He had such a hilarioius good time at the party last night I thought he'd be bored with me, but he woke me from my nap by saying, "I love you, Juju" (okay, truth was he wanted company while he used the potty) and tonight he said, "This has been the best day." Why am I so lucky?
Yes, I'm still worried about my dog--he isn't eating and therefore isn't getting his pain pills or antibiotics. But I've put all the rest behind me. Sure will be glad, however, when I can do yoga again.
Anybody who struggles with anxiety--and I know there are many of us--will understand. I wish all of you peace and comfort.
Happy St. Patrick's Day to all the Irish from one with just a bit of Orange Irish in her Scottish bloodstream.

Searching for adverbs on a sunny day

Jacob had his first ride in the convertible with the top down today. When I put it down, he said, "Oh! My! Gosh! I didn't know your car did that, Juju!" And when I had to maneuver his suitcase between the car door and a tree (I hadn't been smart about where in the driveway I stopped), he said, "You can do it, because you're so strong!" Then, this child who's always telling me I'm old, looked at me with new respect and said, "You're not old, Juju!" There, that's the whole reason I bought the car (well maybe not entirely)--I didn't want to be a stodgy old grandmother.
Aside from that trip to meet his mom and an outing to the Botanic Garden late this afternoon, I spent the day inside, at the computer, searching for adverbs. Turquoise Morning Press sends out a most helpful style guide, with a self editing section on things to do a gobal search for: "ly," "ing," "had," "to be," (I didn't have many of those), and "was." Folks, if you don't think that is mind-numbing work, you don't realize how many times we all fall into those traps. Sometimes it's a challenge to find, for instance,  you've used an unnecessary adverb and then figure out how to write around it. But the biggest surprise to me was to search for exclamation points. I know you shouldn't use them, I've removed them by the thousands from other people's works, and yet I can't even begin to estimate how many times I found them in my own manuscript. This is not a one-day job--more like a week or two, but I'm plugging away at it and keeping the Food Network on while I do it.
One of my most favorite blogs is "Mystery Lovers Kitchen" where several mystery authors share recipes. Sure, they promote their books along the way--fair practice--but I've gotten some wonderful recipes from them, especially a beef company casserole from Riley Adams. But tonight I fixed myself creamed spinach--thank you, July Hyzy. The neat thing about this fairly simple recipe is that you don't have to use cream--I used chicken broth and white wine. Meant to add a dollop of sour cream, but it was out of date so I poured in a bit of 2% milk. You saute the spinach with garlic in olive oil, remove, and make a roux of butter and flour. Then add liquid, stir until smooth and the right consistency, and put the spinach back in the pan. With it I had a loin lamb chop, seasoned only with salt and pepper, grilled medium rare (more rare than medium). It was so good, since no one was watching, I gnawed on the bone. Right now, spaghetti sauce is simmering on the stove, and my house smells lovely.

Are you ready to retire?

I had the ideal retirement day today. Still enjoying daylight savings, I slept until almost 8:30 (as did the cat and dog--the latter didn't want to go out until almost 9:30). By the time I got myself ready for the day, read the paper, dealt with emails and phone calls, it was 10:45 before I got out the door to the office to do just a couple of things. Then home to pay bills, do some email ordering (yes, I do that) and it was lunchtime. This afternoon, I'm reading--part studying, part fun.
The rest of the day has gone the same way--a bit of work, a lot of relaxation, good veal leftovers with asparagus and mushrooms. But I honestly have been using my brain a bit too. I found a quote that really hit home: an editor wrote about occasionally, reading a proposed manuscript at home, his hair stood on end, and he thought, "I could publish that and do it right, and it might amount to something." I've had manuscripts that struck me that way, and I've had fair success with them. I won't try to list them, but the Calvin Littlejohn book I've wanted to publish for twenty-five years and just did, thanks to Bob Ray Sanders, has met with tremendous reception and today we have word that a donor has funded buying a copy for every Fort Worth middle and high school. Littlejohn was the pioneer black photographer who chronicled the black community when newspapers, etc., wouldn't. His photogrpahs are striking, both in terms of photography (he was inventive, even making his own enlarger) and of the history he captured. A truly remarkable story, and we've brought it to the public. There have been other books I've felt that way about--books that thrilled me when I held them in my hand finally, after all that went into them. I really wish others could understand that feeling.
I am both amused and incensed today by the ongoing controversy over the decisions of the State Board of Education in Texas. Apparently they have decided to make Jefferson Davis and Stonewall Jackson heroes of leadership, while omitting all mention of Thomas Jefferson as a Renaissance man. Of course, Stonewall Jackson fits the right-wing conservative stereotype perfectly--he was a Puritanical Christian who cared neither about his own death or that of others, which is why he fought so valiantly. The whole teaching of human values is messed up in this state, and I wonder who appoints the SBOE. Governor Perry? Textbook publishers are going to either have a hard time getting their books into the state's curriculum or they're going to have to skew history so much that other states will be left reeling. Much as I love Texas and its history, sometimes I wonder why I live here. Canada sometimes looks pretty good, if it weren't so far from family and friends. Mexico is out as the violence escalates and now has targeted Americans with connection to the Embassy in Ciudad Juarez. I even worry about friends in El Paso, though a friend who takes frequent tours to Mexico told me he felt completely safe on his last tour. The world is not a fun place these days.