Cottage full of kids

I have been in languor all day. The dictionary says that’s a state of tiredness or inertia. I say it’s exhaustion from worrying about my eye surgery, enduring it, and taking one pain pill. The surgery was not the walk in the park that I anticipated, but at least it’s over. Tomorrow I get the patch off, and all should be well.

Both my daughters and my younger son are here, which brightens the day immensely. We have just ordered food, and the girls have gone to get it. They will no doubt linger for a glass of wine while it’s bring prepared.

I have not done a lick of work again today. Yesterday, I was too worried; today I was too sleep. Tomorrow, most of the day, both girls will be around, I have the doctor’s appointment, and we sort of want to do a grocery run. No work again.

But then I’ll get back to my regular life. Gladly. This languor business is no fun.

The tedium of days

Sometimes the tedium of days makes me want to cower in bed, which I know is not the answer. But even though I have work to do, books to read, the routine of my days gets to me. Brush teeth, wash hair, eat breakfast, and work at my desk—some days, not feeling pushed, I spend way too much of the morning on Facebook. The ultimate in escapism. Today was one of those days.

Because I’m compulsive, I beat myself up a lot about not being productive. I wrote 1000 words on a new manuscript earlier in the week—and quit, because it just didn’t seem to come alive on the page. I have some ideas about how to fix that first thousand words—and I can’t move on until I do that. But I find myself reading a book or doing anything to distract. I have an older titles of mine to proofread so I can get it back up on Amazon. Do I do it? Nope. I diddle and fiddle. It really bothers me.

Friends came tonight to bring me supper, and we had a good long, jolly visit. Then Jacob arrived and announced he was hungry, so Teddy took him to the Old Neighborhood Grill to get a cheese quesadilla. Jacob sat and chatted like an adult—so proud of him.

Jordan is coming back tonight to make salads for our salad buffet tomorrow night, but it’s 8:30---her car is in the driveway but I don’t know where she went. Think I saw Christian’s car too so perhaps they’ve gone somewhere. Getting close to my bedtime, so I may not be much good at making salads—or directing her.

Kind of a downer post tonight, and I’m sorry. But I am so worried about my doctor appointment Tuesday, afraid my ankle is not healing. Trying to teach myself, “What will be will be.” Somehow when I tried to type the original que sera, sera, it came out in Greek letters. Is that an omen?

Tomorrow is a new day.

Down in the dumps

This blog is sometimes where I work out problems that are bothering me, so here goes: I’m doing to dump about my dumps. A blue day in which I felt sorry for myself for no good reason. I have so much to treasure in life—a loving and supportive family, creative work that keeps me happy, a new book out, lots of friends, a loveable dog, a comfortable house and exciting plans for its future. So what’s bothering me? My lifetime enemy, anxiety.

I decided tonight that the problem is that I spend too much time home alone. On that note I decided to take my daughter up at the last minute on an invitation to supper. But I woke from a nap feeling blurpy, stayed home, ate leftover chicken. While I often enjoy my aloneness and quiet, I am also a person who feed on people, is energized by them. So why do I stay home?

Because it’s easier. Home is familiar, with paths I can follow from room to room. Outside my home, I’ve gotten insecure about walking (actually my walking is better—I’m doing my exercises). I scheme and connive so that I rarely go someplace alone but always have an arm to lean on. I have even hired a wonderful travel companion—we go to the grocery together. It’s called drawing the circle tighter, and I need to push back that circle.

Even at home, I’m most comfortable at my desk, so I tend to ignore things that should be done around the house. As a result of that and other things—downsizing and storm damage—my house is pretty much a mess. And I’m used to having people come in and exclaim about how warm and welcoming it is. Today I did laundry, watered plants—but I need to sort the last nine boxes of books, fill the shelves of my new filing cabinet, and restock the laundry area—items from it are all over the kitchen alcove and it looks awful. I can’t rely on Jordan to do all that.

This week I have several opportunities to push back the circle, and I am by gosh going to take advantage of them. I’m to meet a Facebook friend for lunch Tuesday—I’ve known him a long time, not sure we’ve ever actually met though we may have. So easy to send a message saying I can’t make it, but I’m not going to do that. If I have to call the restaurant and ask someone to help me in, so be it. I’m actually looking forward to lunch.

Wednesday I’m to go to the nursery plant shopping with Greg who keeps my yard. If I have to cling to him until he gets me a basket to push, so be it. And if I have to say I need to sit, I’ll sit (too long on my feet and my low back screams at me).

I’ll go to dinner with friends Tuesday and Wednesday and try my best not to cling. I am going to get out of the house. And when I’m home, I’m going to forsake the refuge of my desk—that’s what it’s become—and dig in.

Watch my dust!

Overcoming Inertia

 

Once I told a colleague that I usually got food for the cat while swishing mouthwash around in my mouth because who wants to just stand there for sixty seconds. She howled with laughter. “You of all people would not want to waste sixty seconds.” And that’s been the pattern of my life—maybe a little shy of OCD but not much. I’ve always kept busy.

Lately I’ve been troubled by a lack of energy, an unwillingness to do simple chores around the house, though I’m perfectly content to follow odd leads, read long e-mails, etc. at my computer. Is it the much-dreaded computer addiction? Is inertia a sign of aging? What happened to my ambition? It’s been worse, of course, since my swollen foot. I’ve written enough about that to last a lifetime, but I will say it’s better today—not perfect, but I’m wearing shoes and making a conscious effort to walk normally.

This morning I decided my project would be to dig in to the reader’s “points to ponder” in “Murder at Peacock Mansion”—they were all valid points that added depth to the manuscript, like a reference to Miss Havisham or the subtle difference between using “handgun” and “pistol.” Ten minutes later I’d taken care of all of them, so I decided I would read through the manuscript one more time before sending it to the editor.

About noon, while I ate lunch, I took a break and turned to the novel I’m currently reading. Didn’t take me long to decide my own manuscript was more interesting—is that ego or what?—and go back to editing. It’s amazing what you find even though you’ve read the darn thing countless times. Today I found a woman had two children on one page, one a bit later, and then four. Now she only has one—a spoiled diva of a young woman. I found on my own places where I could add a little depth of character, a little more sense of place—and I was having fun doing it.

Tonight I’m through—my mysteries are fairly short—and pleased with the result. One place I need to go back and tweet and then it goes to the editor. So maybe I’m past inertia. I also did two loads of laundry, tried on a new shirt I’d ordered and decided to keep it (it lay on the bedroom chair for several days), and managed to keep up with the kitchen—not hard when I’m home alone all day and a friend brings supper. But I’m going to keep working on this inertia thing—there are always little things to be done: the dishwasher should be run—it smells musty which may signal the end of my not using the hot-dry cycle; there’s a blue canvas bag on the dining room floor that belongs to a friend but needs to be safely stored for her; a few clean clothes to hang in my closet. Little stuff like that I once would never have overlooked and now I do. I have decided to tackle a bit of it each day.

Sweet dreams, friends.

 

 

 

 

 

Overcoming inertia

 Once I told a colleague that I usually got food for the cat while swishing mouthwash around in my mouth because who wants to just stand there for sixty seconds. She howled with laughter. “You of all people would not want to waste sixty seconds.” And that’s been the pattern of my life—maybe a little shy of OCD but not much. I’ve always kept busy.
Lately I’ve been troubled by a lack of energy, an unwillingness to do simple chores around the house, though I’m perfectly content to follow odd leads, read long e-mails, etc. at my computer. Is it the much-dreaded computer addiction? Is inertia a sign of aging? What happened to my ambition? It’s been worse, of course, since my swollen foot. I’ve written enough about that to last a lifetime, but I will say it’s better today—not perfect, but I’m wearing shoes and making a conscious effort to walk normally.
This morning I decided my project would be to dig in to the reader’s “points to ponder” in “Murder at Peacock Mansion”—they were all valid points that added depth to the manuscript, like a reference to Miss Havisham or the subtle difference between using “handgun” and “pistol.” Ten minutes later I’d taken care of all of them, so I decided I would read through the manuscript one more time before sending it to the editor.
About noon, while I ate lunch, I took a break and turned to the novel I’m currently reading. Didn’t take me long to decide my own manuscript was more interesting—is that ego or what?—and go back to editing. It’s amazing what you find even though you’ve read the darn thing countless times. Today I found a woman had two children on one page, one a bit later, and then four. Now she only has one—a spoiled diva of a young woman. I found on my own places where I could add a little depth of character, a little more sense of place—and I was having fun doing it.
Tonight I’m through—my mysteries are fairly short—and pleased with the result. One place I need to go back and tweak and then it goes to the editor. So maybe I’m past inertia. I also did two loads of laundry, tried on a new shirt I’d ordered and decided to keep it (it lay on the bedroom chair for several days), and managed to keep up with the kitchen—not hard when I’m home alone all day and a friend brings supper. But I’m going to keep working on this inertia thing—there are always little things to be done: the dishwasher should be run—it smells musty which may signal the end of my not using the hot-dry cycle; there’s a blue canvas bag on the dining room floor that belongs to a friend but needs to be safely stored for her; a few clean clothes to hang in my closet. Little stuff like that I once would never have overlooked and now I do. I have decided to tackle a bit of it each day.
Sweet dreams, friends.

 

 

Gourmet-or gourmand

I'm not sure there's a huge difference between the two words but an editor once worked for me who insisted that gourmand had overtones of gluttony. I looked it up and found it was simply one who enjoyed good food. So tonight I would call myself a gourmand. I had diner at Paco & John's with good friends Carol and Lon.
Paco & John's has been around a while, in a converted gas station. I had lunch there once, and since it was essentially Mexican/South American, everything had too many peppers in it for me. But I began to hear that on weekends they served two menus--same foods, but either French or Mexican versions. I wanted to go for some time. Then we heard that they were closing, and tonight would be the last night--tentative plans to re-open at another location might be announced later. So off we went.
I started with a smoked salmon appetizer, something dear to my heart. Lon and Carol split the mahi-mahi Mexican style, and Lon and I split the mussels French style with a wonderful cream and garlic sauce. So good, especially with bread to dip in the sauce. It was one of those cases where I shouldn't have split, because I could have eaten the whole thing--and so could he. And then dessert--chocolate mousse, while Carol ordered key lime pie and Lon got more than a few bites. Fun evening--since Lon is a former state representative and still much a public figure, there was much talk of politics, education, and the like. Enjoyed the evening thoroughly, although poor Carol, sitting between us, said she had to translate all evening. It was noisy enough in the restaurant that even though I turned my hearing aids to restaurant setting, I couldn't hear everything; neither could Lon though he hasn't yet admitted he has a hearing problem. Good friends, good food, and a great evening.
Earlier this afternoon I suffered from a great case of inertia. I took a late nap, woke about 4:45, and just didn't want to move. You know the feeling? So comfortable, sort of dozing but definitely awake, nice thoughts going through your mind. I think I could have stayed there all evening except I knew I had household chores to do and anticipated dinner plans.
Tomorrow although Sunday is a work day. Got to finish proofing the chili book galleys.
Happy Saturday everyone.

Ho-hum--and a new veggie dish

Another day of being shut in. Since last Sunday (maybe Saturday) I have been out of the house twice. This is getting old. Tonight my solitude was nicely broken by my Canadian daughter and her partner who came for wine and then went on to a party. Made me feel almost social. They reported driving is easy but walking is treacherous. I'm glad I stayed home.
I discover that if I sit at my desk too long, either writing, checking email, etc., or reading, I develop a sort of inertia. So this afternoon I folded the laundry I'd left in the dryer a shamefully long time, made the first layer of a casserole for tomorrow, and made myself a new dish for supper--pea mash.
I asked my Canadian daughter if she'd ever had pea mash, thinking it sounded British. She said it sounded like bangers and mash (which I love) but no she'd never had it.
I sautéed some defrosted sweet peas in olive oil and mashed them with a fork. Lesson learned: they don't mash with an old-fashioned potato masher. The peas just roll around between the tines of the masher. I seasoned them with a bit of garlic, lemon juice, salt and pepper (got a little heavy on the pepper, which is often a failing of mine), and added a chopped scallion. Really good. I'll do that again. Good thing because I have two full bags of peas in the freezer.
Not a bad day--200 emails, 1000+ words written, some reading, couldn't nap. Tomorrow it's supposed to be fifty, so the great thaw will come. By Tuesday, in the seventies but thunderstorms. I think I'll sing and dance in the rain.