The iPad family

You know all those cartoons bemoaning the family who has no interaction, especially at the dinner table, because they're all absorbed in their phones or iPads or whatever? Well, tonight I lived that discouraging picture.
On Tuesday nights, Jacob and I go to the Old Neighborhood Grill, just down the street from my house, because "the neighbors" gather. They're mostly neighbors, mostly from Pembroke a block behind me, but the crowd has grown, and we have folks from other parts of our Berkeley neighborhood as well as some just plain outsiders. Many are Jacob's friends, and while it's not a kid's dinner, they welcome him, talk with him, and he's perfectly comfortable. He enjoys their company.
Tonight I knew there would be few if any neighbors there. Some were out of town, some had tickets for a concert at TCU, some just plain had other plans. It looked like just Jacob and me...and indeed it was. As we arrived, some of the concert-goers were leaving and called, "We warmed up the seats for you."
We had our traditional orders--meatloaf (the last half will make a great sandwich tomorrow) and green beans for me; grilled cheese, fries, and a cookie for Jacob. As we left the house, he handed me his iPad and I put it in my purse--against my better judgment. But, hey, the child played golf all day and no doubt needed down time. I might have wished for a bit of conversation but in defense I took out my iPhone, read messages, etc.
So there we were--the perfect digital family. No conversation. I'm going to work to make sure that doesn't happen again--but I can only take so much of the rolling of the eyes.
Now we're home, and I'm going to have to take out my hearing aids so I don't have to listen to his iPad. But later, he, Sophie, and I will settle down to a bit of companionship and then a good night's sleep.
Parenting--and grandparenting--are sure different than in my day.

The joys and duties of being a grandparent

Over the years I have realized, with some chagrin, that it's the grandparents' responsibility to attend any function at which any grandchild shines. I spent endless hours waiting for Maddie, my oldest grandchild, to have her brief moment on the ballet stage--gosh those programs were long. Now, she plays basketball like a pro, and I'm sure ballet is far from her mind. I'm not a sports fan, but I have been to basketball games, soccer games, baseball games, and one tai kwondo lesson. When it's your grandchild, you cheer.
When my kids graduated from elementary school, I thanked the stars that school carnivals, PTA (or PTO or whatever) and the like were behind me. A single working mom, I didn't feel as obligated as I had in elementary school to participate in those things. Yes, I went to open houses to dutifully meet with the teachers, but my kids pretty much fended for themselves--and did a darn fine job of it--in middle and elementary school.
So far I have not had to go to carnivals and open houses, but I am expected each grade's annual program as Jacob progresses through elementary school. Tonight was the second grade program, a musical called "Stone Soup," and he was one of the "stars"--three speaking lines.
I fixed supper so everyone could rush across the street to the school. As Jordan and I did dishes, she said, "You don't have to go, you know," and I replied, "His feelings would be hurt if I didn't." And she said, "That wasn't a sincere offer of a way out." But she and Christian were as excited as Jacob about the program.

And it was cute, no question about it. The kids were full of bounce and enthusiasm. I could barely make out a word they said (I know Jacob's lines by now) but just watching them was a joy.
This is a blurry picture of Jacob delivering one of his lines. At first I thought he was having trouble holding his britches up but then I realized he was doing sort of a Michael Jackson move. Mr. Cool! A friend of mine says if we'd put him on the stage the rest of us could retire. Not sure about that, but I wouldn't be surprised to see him take to theater. His daddy was a child model and in several TV programs. So maybe the spotlight is where Jacob belongs.
I'm both relieved and sad that my six other grands live too far away for me to attend their school programs and the like. Just deliver me from carnivals and cake walks, please.

Vacation Bible School

I don't remember ever hearing about Vacation Bible School as a child in Chicago--maybe it's a new thing, or maybe it's a southern thing. But every summer at Fort Worth's University Christian Church, and at churches all over, signs go up saying it's time to sign up. My children never went, though I'm sure they could have. Jacob went for the first time this year. Today, the last day, he brought home a yard sign he'd made and proudly pounded it into my front yard. His mom and I aren't sure what it says: I say "Whom will you serve?" (shaky grammar) and she says "Who will you save?" Anyway, you get the point, and you can see the pride in his face.
He also brought home stained glass cross with wind chimes hanging from it. HIs mom oohed and aahed over it and asked what he was going to do with it. Proudly he said, "I'm going to give it to Elizabeth," and Mom said, "Oh," with a bit of disappointment. But Mom and Dad got a cute picture of Jacob, framed with stars representing the people and things he loved--I wasn't included but oh well, the dogs were.
In the car today I asked if he liked VBS and he said, "Yes, it was fun learning about God. I mean I knew about God before, but now I know much more." Isn't that what it's all about? He wants to go back next year.
The last two days, however, he has snookered me into believing his folks said he didn't have to go back to day camp but could spend the afternoon with me. Caused a bit of an uproar today because they really hadn't said that. They'd even delivered his lunch box to the day camp. But I told them I thought even a seven-year-old should have some say in what he does, as long as it doesn't become a habit. And I told him that sometimes it's best not to argue but to say, "I made a mistake. I'm sorry and I won't do it again." We rushed up to the day camp (a whole block away) to retrieve the lunch that had been left for him there, so they wouldn't have that added irritant. Haven't heard what happened yet.
But I will tell you that being a grandparent gives you a whole different perspective. I don't know that I was ever harsh with my children--I hope not--but I think I see more these days (and perhaps Jacob is teaching me) the value of listening to the child and letting him have a say in his life. Gosh, why don't we know the things at thirty or forty that we know in our seventies?
 

Some good, some not so good

All those errands I worried about yesterday got done today in a timely fashion--which shows me what happens when I sit back and stop being compulsive, controlling, whatever. That message came through again loud and clear when I had lunch with Fred, my lifelong reader and advisor (he does not like the term mentor though that's what he is). I told him I was rethinking my career, and he agreed that since I have no immediately pressing deadlines, it's a good time to sit back, pull away and consider. I mentioned a possible new project I was interested in, and he did not throw up his arms in alarm. Instead he said, "You've had that on your mind a long time. This may be the time to do it." He also took my latest Kelly O'Connell manuscript for a beta read, so I'm not even going to think about it until he returns it to me. So that part of my day was good, and I came home ready to pull back, do some serious study and considering on some things that intrigue me, and read some of those marketing books I've been meaning to read forever. Basically, I'm going to try to keep myself from feeling so pressured.
The less good part of my day wasn't that bad after all. Jordan and Jacob (and Christian, though I didn't see him this afternoon) left today for Coppell and will fly to DisneyWorld tomorrow. Jacob is excited out of his skull, and I'm delighted for him. I hope it turns out to be every bit as wonderful as he wants it to be. Our difficulties of yesterday weren't repeated after school today--I secretly threw out the blasted sugar-laden donuts and rejoiced that Hostess would stop producing such atrocities--though I grieve for 18,000 people out of work.
But I think the green-eyed monster has bitten me, or at least nipped. I was feeling bad all day that Jacob's other grandparents are now the literal incarnation of Disneyland grandparents. They have taken him to the State Fair, Legoland, movies, and all kinds of places, so this is kind of the penultimate. I don't do that for several reasons--I'd need another adult to go with me (a lot of things are harder and less enjoyable when you're alone with a young child), I can't afford most of it, and such places as DisneyWorld and the State Fair have no appeal for me--at all! In fact, I think I'd be fairly miserable. But I am left feeling like the grandparent who instead of offering great excitement says "No,  you can't go out to play. You have to do your reading and spelling." Jordan assures me this is a figment of my imagination...and I suppose it is. I really hope they have a good time.
Meantime after they left I decided to float through the weekend. I did my yoga slowly (can you hear Elizabeth applauding?) instead of always feeling that I had to get it done to move on to somethng else. Then I did some kitchen chores, watched the news, and made myself pea salad and salmon croquettes--yum!--for dinner. Tonight I've caught up on emailing friends, and I'm about to read a book about how to grow your audience (I hate that use of the word grow, but the book is pretty helpful!).
It will be a good weekend. I hope yours is too.