Everything really did change

 

Pre-pandemic dinner with good friends
L. to R., me, Betty, Jean, and Jeannie
at Trinity Terrace

A dear friend came for happy hour tonight, and it got me to thinking how Covid really did change our worlds. Before Covid, for twenty-five years or more, Betty and I went to dinner once a week. In recent years, our dinners had become a Wednesday evening ritual. We had some grand adventures trying new and unknown restaurants. I remember once taking her to explore a part of town, not far away, that she never knew existed, and if memory serves, I once took her cemetery exploring. She was Aunt Betty to Jacob and his parents. We laughed a lot, and we drank a sufficient amount of wine.

With Covid that came to a crashing halt. Betty and her husband had owned a steak and hamburger restaurant in the Stockyards for years. In fact, for a few years I used to help on Saturday nights—running the cash register, rolling silverware, hostessing when Betty was busy. When Covid came, they still went to the restaurant every night on weekends—no one was vaccinated or masked, and I wasn’t willing to risk it. Betty came once or twice for wine on the patio at a great distance, but we never ever thought of going to dinner.

And somehow we never picked it up again. Tonight it was like falling into an old relationship—except it wasn’t. Her husband is now elderly (aren’t we all?) and she mostly spends her days taking care of him. She’s been to the cottage a couple of times, but after an hour she’s always anxious to get back to him. I stopped trying to serve her dinner and started saying happy hour. But since the world shut down in March 2020, I’ve probably only seen her a handful of times.

In the meantime I became sort of a recluse. Christian wondered how I could be content in the cottage after I’d had an active social life, but content I was. In fact, when I first began to get out, it was a big deal that I had to gear myself up for. I told myself—and I think it’s true—because of the walker and not driving, it’s easier for me to stay home and invite people to visit.

But other changes. I love to grocery shop, browsing the aisles for things that inspire me to cook. I even love driving those motorized carts they have. I had been using Central Market’s curbside shopping service for some time, but with Covid it became my primary grocery source—that and sending Jordan to Albertson’s. Both are wonderful, neither are perfect, and I’ve ended up with some weird items, a lifetime supply of some things, and not enough of others. Since quarantine lifted and I was well boosted, I’ve been to Albertson’s a couple of times. Whole Foods once, Central Market once, and Trader Joe’s a couple of times. Thanks to Mary Dulle for several of those trips.

During quarantine, I fell into a routine for my days that persists until this day. Work in the morning, an afternoon nap, followed by checking email and cooking dinner. Lately I’ve been reading and writing late into the night and sleeping late in the mornings. Sophie also has her routine—breakfast at five-thirty, back outside at seven-fifteen, and then inside until I get up to stay, which is usually eight-thirty.

Along the way, the nature of my friendships has changed. Some people that I used to see have dropped away and my few overtures toward them have met with politeness but nothing more. I’ve decided they didn’t really enjoy my company, certainly not enough to come to happy hour. But other friendships have strengthened. Jean and I were always good friends, but we see much more of each other these days, a habit developed during quarantine. She was one of the few people I knew who was as careful about exposure as I was. Recently widowed, she was alone in her house and, I suspected, lonely. So she came often for wine and supper and now it’s grown to be a once-a-week thing most weeks. There are others I see more of these days, whether it’s a result of pandemic or not, I don’t know—I suppose it’s the nature of friendship to ebb and flow like tides. But I am most grateful for my friends.

During quarantine, Jacob and Jordan were home all the time. Jordan and I planned menus and cooked dinners together—and the family ate in the cottage. I loved it—the cooking and the companionship. Now they’re back to their busy schedules, and it’s been an adjustment for me. But we still eat together three or four nights a week. And I cook often enough to keep me happy.

Maybe quarantine simply accelerated part of the aging process for me, slowing my extracurricular life which would have happened sooner or later. But I have only a few regrets. My new life is without a lot of the stresses of the old. Life is good, and I’m relaxed and happy.

The Overwhelmed Blogger

Make new friends, but keep the old; Those are silver, these are gold

I’ve missed a couple of nights of blogging, maybe more, and I think it’s in part because this has been an overwhelming week nationally. When I did blog, it was mostly out of outrage, and I apologize for that—sort of. I am weary of people who won’t speak out for their beliefs because they don’t want to offend someone.

On a more pleasant note, this has been a week to treasure old friends. One night three friends and I went to dinner at a restaurant some distance away—we were chef-chasing, because one of us really liked this chef at another location. The restaurant experience was not good—the waiter spilled ice water on two of my friends, the waitress confessed that she didn’t like the chicken fried steak (well trained staff), they forgot the happy hour prices, etc. Food was okay, not great, but we’ll not make that trek again.

The evening was rescued by the fun of being together. I’ve known these ladies close to thirty years, at a guess. I first me one of them, and she introduced the second. Meantime I was already long friends with the third. Now they are all fast friends with me and with each other. It’s a joy when you bring people together. We laugh, we talk about serious matters, we enjoy, and we go home refreshed.

Next day I had lunch with a forty-year friend. As I wrote in the blog earlier, the lunch was marred at least for me by a strong political difference, but there is still the tie of shared experiences, a past of years that cannot be erased. When I brought my first child home from the adoption agency and didn’t know a thing about caring for babies, she left her child with her mom and came to help me. Our children grew up together. We saw each other through many personal ups and downs. Today’s polarizing politics can’t undo those ties, thank goodness.

Ethnic dining was on my agenda this week too. Betty, my weekly dining companion of some twenty-five years, and I went to Tokyo Café, always a favorite. I discovered something new to me on the menu—a Bao Bun. Essentially smoked brisket wrapped in dough, baked, and served with a wonderful teriyaki sauce. The next day neighbor Mary (a relatively new friend of say five or six years but still valued) and I went to King Tut, and I enjoyed sambosa with cucumber sauce and tabbouleh. Hadn’t been there in a long time.

Tonight, a reunion with old friends, both, like me, the ex-wives of osteopathic physicians. I see one of them from time to time, after a space of many years, but hadn’t seen the other in years. Talk about old friends! I’ve known these ladies since probably the mid-to-late seventies. We had great fun talking about old times and catching up on the present and children and grandchildren. Yeah, we talked about those ex-husbands a bit too, but there was lots of laughter and little regret.

I am fortunate to have had so many friends last a lifetime, and I count my blessings every day.

Some thoughts on a social day

I had breakfast, lunch and dinner at the Old Neighborhood Grill today, the small but wonderful restaurant that figures so prominently in my Kelly O'Connell Mysteries.
Breakfast was the monthly meeting of the Book Ladies,, most of us now retired from careers that had something to do with books. We have two authors, me and Carol Nelson Douglas, a former reviewer who has contributed chapters to textbooks, retired librarians, and so on. Sometimes we talk about books--who's reading what, etc.--and sometimes we talk politics. Sometimes, as with most groups of women our age, the talk degenerates into health care but that's rare. Today it turned briefly to the writing careers of Carol and me and how many books we have each written--and then Carol gave us the history of the ebook rights contracts that have tied up profits for so many authors. Trying to be modest about my diet, I had one egg over easy, a thick slice of orange, and half a piece of toast to slop up the yolk.
Lunch with a friend I don't see often enough but we always laugh and have a great time, mostly talking about families and grandchildren. Genie was good enough to help me once with a major injury for a character in one of my books--because she'd had that injury and one of her daughters is a physical therapist. Once again, we were good--all side vegetable dishes.
Tonight was neighbors' night at the Grill, an occasion Jacob rally looks forward to, especially now that friends Subie and Phil Green are back in town and bring Phil's seeing-eye dog, Santiago, to dinner. I'm not sure who Jacob likes best--Phil, Subie, or Santiago. Tonight he went so far as to determine the seating arrangement. I had a slice of meatloaf and some green beans--but I snacked on some of Jacob's fries with ketchup. Surely my diet will forgive.
Came home just in time to meet Jacob's parents and they sat for a glass of wine. So all of a sudden, it was nine o'clock, I hadn't written a word on the novel, and I was too sleepy. But you know the lesson of the day? Enjoy sociability when it comes your way. I can always work. I saw a blurb on msn.com today about how loneliness can lead to an early grave, and tonight I thought how fortunate I am to have such an active social life, so many friends. I don't have drop-dead deadlines except those I impose on myself because I'm compulsive, and probably this is the time of life to relish the joy that comes my way. (Jacob kindly informed the whole table of my age tonight.)
It reminds me of a self-help tape I had for a long time: "Life is Uncertain. Eat Dessert First." The other afternoon Jordan, Subie and I were contemplating my new living room arrangement, when Jordan asked, "Did your realize Jacob just went and helped himself to ice cream?" No, I hadn't, and I really encourage him to ask first--to prevent constant snacking. But before I could protest, she called out, "Jacob, did Juju teach you that sometimes it's okay to eat dessert first?" I honestly did one night recently when he was in a funk. My own lessons come back to haunt me.
But I like today's lesson about enjoying my family and friends at this point in my life. A thousand words a day suddenly doesn't seem that critical..

In the spirit of Christmas

Christmas is about many things, among them the blessing of friendship. It's a time we all seem ready to renew friendships, check in with people we don't see daily, take the opportunity to wish others a Merry Christmas a great New Year. I've taken that to heart today and had a very social day, eating breakfast, lunch and dinner out.
Taking the day backward, I went to dinner with good friends Kathie and Carol at Piola, an Italian restaurant  where I had wonderful lasagna with rich tomato sauce (and brought half home for tomorrow). Above, me in my dress-up, go to dinner clothes--a wonderful garment that my brother and sister-in-law gave me. The other night I was wearing a necklace they gave me, and when they complimented me on it I said, "I'm glad you like it. You gave it to me." Lots of laughter, and Cindy said, "Hmmm. I'm surprised I didn't keep it for myself, I like it so much." So let's hope they remember that they gave me this--what would you call it? Not quite a kimono, nor a hapi coat. Anyway, it's great, and I look forward to wearing it a lot more. And yes, we had an interesting, cheerful, fun dinner.
Lunch was with another good friend, Jean, with whom I always exchange Flowers of the Month cards as gifts. We schedule lunch and go together to get our flowers--today lovely roses--two sort of Tropicana and a red one, with holly and a sprig of evergreen. Great chicken salad sandwich at Lucille's, and we caught up with each other's plans for the holidays.
This morning I had breakfast with the Book Ladies, a group of women whose careers have revolved around books.  We meet once a month for breakfast. Some days we talk about books; other days, it's everything from politics to grandchildren. Most but not all of us are retired now. I've been going to that group for more than twenty years, and it has changed over the years as members come and go. No dues, no rules, just show up for breakfast and visit. Lovely tradition. I've been there when only one other person showed up. This morning there were twelve--the holiday spirit.
Yawn! All that socializing has worn me out.