Family and friends--and who we are

 

 

Sophie, because she too, deserves
that moment of consideration from me.

This morning a friend posted a story on Facebook. She went into the bathroom only to find an empty toilet paper roll and a new roll of paper sitting on the windowsill. Obviously, her husband had put the roll there but hadn’t taken time to put it on the dispense. What would your reaction have been? I admit I would probably have been angry, at least briefly. Well, I like to think the me who I am today wouldn’t have been, but I can tell you for sure the me who was married long years ago would have been angry. Ranting that he couldn’t even take time to install the paper on the holder. But Brandy, my friend, said she thought to herself, “He’s so busy, and he has so much on his mind, how thoughtful of him to make sure I had a new roll.” Wow! Learning lesson there.

I’ve been thinking all week about how we live with each other and how we treat each other. About being on autopilot with knee jerk reactions or stopping for that brief second before we speak to think through a situation. I fall down a lot of the time. Although I am not married any longer, I live in close proximity to my daughter and her husband, And there are lots of times I should keep my mouth shut or investigate before I speak. Tonight, me: “I never did get my dishwasher detergent back after it went into your house.”

Jordan: “I put it back. Did you look?”

Me: “Not for a few days.” I was acting on old information. At the very least I could have framed it as a question: “Did you ever bring my dish detergent back?”

This morning in church the sermon was about the sinful woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. A difficult scene for us today to understand, believers or not, but it has nothing to do with washing feet and everything to do with how we perceive people. The Pharisee, in whose home Jesus was at the time, saw only a sinner. Jesus saw a woman who repented of her sins and who grieved. He saw an individual, not a stereotype.

I know from my own life how easy it is to look at a person but not see them—the difficult spouse, the impatient child, the cranky colleague, the annoying neighbor. We just don’t want to take time to find out who they really are, why they are annoying or cranky or difficult. In a surprise ending, after urging us to really look at others in his sermon this morning, Dr. Peterman urged us to take a deep to take a deep look at ourselves. Are we really who we like to think we are—or is there room for change.

I think a lot of it comes down to how we treat other people. Consideration means many things—It means checking our reactions before acting impulsively, it mean thinking about the other person and not just ourselves. It even means accepting help gratefully rather than resenting what is not done. It means putting others first at times—not all the time. Nobody is that perfect and self-sacrificing, but if you watch, you’ll find the instances when you should put that difficult spouse, the impatient child, the cranky colleague, the annoying neighbor first, at least for a minute or two.

One of my favorites of Jordan’s friends is the mom of a lovely, seventeen-year-old daughter, sweet, polite, accomplished. But the mom says sometimes she wants to say,
“Get over yourself.” It’s become one of my favorite pieces of advice, for me, and for those to whom I am close enough to say it.

Musings on relationships

"Grow old along with me/The best is yet to be/ The last of life/For which the first was made"
                   from "Rabbi Ben Ezra," by Robert Browning

I guess that's what every young girl, at least of my generation, dreams of--that meeting of souls that lasts a lifetime. A complete, encompassing love that endures long after physical attraction and desperate sexual encounters. For me, it wasn't to be, and sometimes I'm a little sad about that.
I watched my brother and sister-in-law, unspoken, share a private joke (that I unintentionally initiated), and I thought that's the kind of close caring I miss in my life.
In truth, I know very few couples who have grown old together from the get-go. Almost all of my friends are on at least second marriages, and some of those on first marriages don't seem too happy about it. But I've seen close girlfriends develop that soul-mate relationship with new spouses, the kind that is indeed "till death do us part." My brother and Cindy have probably been together a little more that twenty years--which is about a fourth of his life. So not everyone walks happily from youth into the sunset together.
I would not want anyone to think that I am unhappy with my life. In thirty-plus years since divorce, I've been happier than ever...and I've many times blessed the woman who took my ex off my list of worries. I have four wonderful children, who love me I know, but they have their own families that come first. I have many good friends who love me and understand me. I've had a few soul mates along the way...male and female, some lasting and some not so...and I've had relationships with men that I can only thank God for saving me from. What was I thinking? When I was newly divorced, a much younger man told me he'd never date me because I had baggage--four children. Even then I would have been hesitant to introduce a new man into the family circle (did once and they loved him and he them but it wasn't meant to be). Even today I'd be hesitant to introduce someone new to our close family. If I married now, I'd end up being caretaker to some old man. (Years ago when my brother was single, two gay friends suggested I should open an home for old men and take care of both of them and my brother--no, thanks!) And, the kind of relationship I'm talking about doesn't develop in a week or a month--it takes years to build. Sort of how I feel about my relationship with the new dog I'm trying to civilize!
So I'll grow old surrounded by loving family and friends. I treasure the experiences I've had, the accomplishments I can count, the love of cooking my mom blessed me with, all the things that have made up my life and still do. But every one in a while, I see a couple holding hands and walking by the river, and I feel a twinge of jealousy.

Meet the author of the St. Louis Sisters Series

Please welcome my Wednesday guest, Holly Gilliatt. A self-confessed music, movie, and accessories junkie, Holly's passion has always been writing. Give her an algebra quiz and she'll curl up in the fetal position. But throw a test requiring all essay answers her way and she's in heaven. Between running a household and wrangling a husband, three kids, two dogs and a cat—it’s not easy to find time to write. So she sacrifices the laundry pile to spin her tales of laughter, friendship and love. She's proud to call the St. Louis area her home.

Website | Blog | Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads

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Thank you, Judy, for letting me babble on your blog today! For those that don’t know, I’ve had the pleasure of working with Judy as the editor of my first three books. She has a good eye, is responsive, and always makes me look at my work from a different viewpoint—something I value greatly.

While she’s known most recently for writing cozy mysteries, I write women’s fiction. A vastly different genre, but as she and I have discussed before, it’s really all about the characters. Whether you’re writing a mystery plot with twists and turns or a contemporary look at love and relationships…it all boils down to characters that readers connect with and root for.

My latest release entitled Dreams, Interrupted just came out this week, and it’s the second in the St. Louis Sisters series. The first book in the series, ‘Til St. Patrick’s Day, was originally conceived and written as a single book. But it was Judy’s idea (thanks!) to make it a series, with a total of three books—as they are about three best friends, and each of these women really need time in the spotlight. This series highlights my hometown of St. Louis and also sprinkles in a great deal of humor along the way. I like to think of them as romantic comedies.

I adore all three of the women featured in this series—Jayne, Karen and Claudia. They are all so different, and likeable in their own ways. I think maybe you will see some of yourself or your friends in these women that I’ve grown to love. If you give them a chance, I hope you’ll love them, too.

The first book focused on the uber-optimistic Jayne as she and her twenty-something besties struggled to find their significant others, and ultimately themselves. ‘Til St. Patrick’s Day is about love, but the love between friends is explored as much as romantic love.

Dreams, Interrupted finds the three women in their mid-thirties, facing a whole different set of circumstances. The main character in this book is Karen…and there is never a dull moment when she’s involved. Karen says what she thinks, whenever and wherever she thinks it. I’ve never had more fun writing a character. She often says the sarcastic things I think in my mind but wouldn’t dare say out loud.

If you haven’t read book #1, I don’t want to ruin it for you by giving you a blurb of book #2. So here’s the blurb for ‘Til St. Patrick’s Day:

BOOK #1 IN THE ST. LOUIS SISTERS SERIES

For three best friends, one winter changes everything.

Chronically optimistic Jayne is surprised she's still single at twenty-eight. But as always for Jayne, there's hope. This time his name is Gray—a successful, gorgeous marketing VP that she can't believe is going out with her. She's never given up on the belief that the right man for her is out there. Maybe Gray could be the one...if she just works hard enough to make it happen.

Her cynical friend Karen is suspicious of Jayne's new guy with his model looks and over-inflated ego. She's concerned for Jayne, but has her own relationship to worry about. Not that anything's wrong with her boyfriend. He's actually perfect for her, which is why she's terrified. Not sure she can ever fully trust a man again, she considers bailing on yet another relationship.

Claudia is always there for her friends, mothering them like the children she craves to have. Happily married, Claudia anxiously awaits the day her husband finally agrees it's time to start a family.

'Til St. Patrick's Day explores the depths of friendship and what happens when love doesn't go according to plan.

You can watch the book trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5dAMqeAJMc

I’m thrilled that ‘Til St. Patrick’s Day was just voted #3 in the Turquoise Morning Press Reader’s Choice Awards for 2013! And now it’s available for only $.99 for a limited time, as part of a women’s fiction boxed set, Love Finds a Way. Plus you’ll get three more great stories in the boxed set. You can buy it here: AMAZON | BARNES & NOBLE | KOBO | IBOOKS | SMASHWORDS | ALL ROMANCE EBOOKS | PUBLISHER

So for less than a buck, you can start the St. Louis Sisters series and then when you’re done with ‘Til St. Patrick’s Day…don’t forget to buy Dreams, Interrupted to see what these three fun, loving, passionate women are up to. Buy Dreams, Interrupted here:

 

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Smashwords | Publisher

 

After two books writing about Jayne, Karen and Claudia—I feel like they’re my old friends. I’m working on book three now, so I get to hang out with them again. If you do me the honor of reading the St. Louis Sister series, please get in touch and let me know what you think of these ladies!