Learning to meditate

 Meditation is supposed to help you relax, and Lord knows I need that. I’ve had a bad couple of days, and my physical therapist told me every muscle in my body was tense. So I decided meditation was one of the keys.

The other day I was in the living room with Jordan having a happy hour glass of wine. She left, and I just sat there, thinking this would be a good time to meditate. But instead of the deep spiritual revelation I wanted, my mind wandered to what to cook for this weekend, what computer chores I needed to do, what could I do about the downsizing mess in my house. We’re told in prayer not so much to talk to the Lord, especially asking things of him, but to be silent and let him talk to us. Well, he seems to talk to me about food and grandchildren and the nitty gritty of everyday life. Clearly, my mind is on the mundane when I am searching for revelation.

Years ago a psychologist taught me to consciously relax every muscle in my body, thinking clearly about the muscles in my scalp all the way down to my toes. Then, with eyes closed, I could meditate. I remember the relaxation part really helped, but I don’t remember much about the meditation except that one day it came to me, clear as a bell, that I shouldn’t take the solo trip to Singapore that friends had proposed. I do take that kind of revelation seriously…and it has saved me from some uncomfortable situations. Recently I couldn’t wrap my head around a teaching opportunity, and it occurred to me it was because I shouldn’t do it. I declined.

But somehow I want something deeper, and maybe I’m looking for too much. I want great insight into the nature of the world and my place in it. I want more insight into my faith and the nature of spirituality. And it doesn’t happen.

Do you really suppose God meant me to cook and focus on everyday chores? I’d like to think there’s something more.