In late July, the evening feels like April at its best--a lovely cool breeze. I was reading on the porch, looking up from my book occasionally just to enjoy the evening, and one time I looked up and there was a rain so soft I couldn't hear it at first but saw the streets were wet. We have, knock on wood, been blessed with an easy summer so far.
Last night my neighbor and I sat on the porch, sipping wine and madly scratching our ankles in spite of Off. She, some 30 years younger than I, said she thought there was a wider world out there for her than Fort Worth. I presume she meant after her children, about eight and eleven, are grown and on their own, but it made me think of the differences in our personalities. She drives to Dallas every day to work on the 38th floor of a downtown office building. She travels cheerfully and with anticipation on business. I would never drive to Dallas, and I marvel at people who work high in those building--I hate elevators and won't go in them alone. And I've lived in Fort Worth just over 40 years and only once thought of leaving--when I got the notion I wanted to live in Santa Fe. Of course, I soon realized that I had such a solid network of friends and such an established way of life here that I gave up that notion. And besides, more than anything else, I want to be close to my children and grandchildren. It makes me feel dull or lacking in adventure or something to compare myself with Sue, but then, I'm so very happy where I am. And it's great that Sue and I can be good friends, in spite of the differences in our ages and outlooks.
But speaking of travel, Jeannie and I decided to go to Scotland in the spring. We've talked of this for several years, but it seemed when one of us was ready to go, the other wasn't. Mostly me. But that's where my search for the sense of wonder is leading me. And when I said to her today that I was ready to go, she said great, she's ready to go anytime. And told the waiter at lunch we were going this afternoon, so he offered us Scotch with our lunch. But I laughed. To me, deciding and committing to go to Scotland is a really really big thing. To Jeannie, it's another fun trip to look forward to. I want to spend the winter studying--figuring out where we'll go. The Highlands, of course, to look for my MacBain ancestors. I asked if I could wear a badge that says, "My maiden name was MacBain," and Jeannie said no, but I could introduce myself as Judy MacBain. A name and identity I left a long time ago--the thought was strange.
The TCU provost is a native Scot and once expressed a willingness to help us plan a trip, if we'd read the reading list he laid out. I intend to do that--and to call him as soon as he gets back from Scotland.
Yeah, not being a traveler, I'm a bit nervous about it. But I also think I'll absolultely love it. And Jeannie, a world traveler, once a flight attendant, and long married to an American pilot, is a confident traveler who gives me confidence, clues me in on what to do. We'll have a wonderful time, and I'm mostly excited.
A grandchild story: after I spent the weekend in Frisco, four-year-old Edie apparently missed me. Her mom called Monday night and said, "Edie's having a bad day, and she wants her Juju. Can you talk to her?" I said of course, but when she got on the phone she was sobbing so hard I couldn't understand her. Mel said, "She wants you to come home." Talk about breaking my heart!
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