Tough week

After threatening storms Tuesday night and a mostly gray day yesterday, the sun is out and the world looks bright and new. I decided it did that to reflect my mood. I've had a rough week. Don't know if it's the new medication or the lack of the old, self-administered medication, but I have not felt well--sleepless nights, constant slight feeling of nausea. And completely unrelated, my left hip decided to remind me it was there, going into a spasm Monday and subsiding Tuesday and Wednesday into a dull but pretty strong ache. But last night I slept well, my hip didn't bother me (amazing what aspirin and a hot pad will do), and I awoke hungry, was eager for lunch, and am thinking about that leftover meatloaf and an ear of corn I'll have for supper. I realize the bad days may come again for a while, but I am much encouraged.
In spite of feeling rocky (I am not one of those people who can squeak by on two hours sleep) I've had a busy week--the TCU Texas Book Award banquet Tuesday night (despite those dark dark clouds that could have held hail and tornados but didn't), breakfast with a colleague Wednesday, and lunch with good friends. Last night I had dinner with Jordan, Christian, and Jacob, which is always a delight. Jacob is so happy and so proud of his newfound though shaky walking skills. That was, until he got tired, and then he had a complete meltdown--when his dad set him down on the floor for a minute, he cried like his heart would break, and I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. He recovered enough to play "Come and get me" every time Dad approached with pjs in his hands. I told Jordan her family made me feel better.
A friend called last night, just to check in, and in the course of the conversation said, "We haven't talked about the shootings yet." It was as though we have to talk to all those we're close to about our reaction--and maybe we do. But how can you put it into words? How do you even know what you feel? We did agree that it isn't fair to hold the school responsible--they had identified the student and done everything they legally could. Their hands were tied, which in itself is a scary thought. It scares me to think of sending my grandchildren to grade school, let alone a university. Even with the magnitude of the tragedy and a recognition that we should be appropriately marking it, I am tired of seeing the videos of the young shooter and his posed pictures. It's almost as bad as the overdone coverage of the Don Imus affair or Anna Nicole Smith's death. Something has happened to taste in this country, and news coverage doesn't help. Speaking of which, Bill Moyers will have a PBS special Wednesday night detailing how the White House lied to get us into war and how culpable the media is in having gone along with the great deception. Should be interesting, even if it comes as no surprise at this point.
Guess I wandered a bit in this one.