An open letter to Mike Pence,

Mr. Pence, I am greatly offended by your wife’s acceptance of a teaching position at a school that requires sexual pledges of staff and students. As the second highest elected official in our country you should be thoroughly familiar with our history, our Declaration of Independence, and our Constitution. America is a land of equality for all, regardless of race, religion, or gender. As “devout Christians,” you and Mother Pence should know that nowhere does Jesus forbid or condemn such pesky things as abortion, homosexuality, dining alone with a person of another gender, and a raft of other things that seem to bother you.

I am further offended by the idea of Mother Pence working. Is the budget the problem? Surely you do not need a second income. Is this an appointment for show, a volunteer position that allows the school to boast of the celebrity on its faculty? You both should know better than to walk into that trap.

I feel confident that, as SLOTUS, Mother Pence has enough official duties to keep her so busy that she won’t stray, as you apparently think women are wont to do. Perhaps she can help Mrs. Trump with official entertainment and duties, since the latter person doesn’t seem much interested in those things. Besides, the two women seem like they would be so compatible and share the same values. Think what jolly fun they could have serving tea to members of Planned Parenthood or the National Center for Transgender Equality.

I hereby call for SLOTUS to resign from the “Christian” school forthwith, devote herself to her duties as second lady of our country, with enough time left to volunteer to use her teaching skills to bring art to the students in the public-school system of Washington, D.C., where, as in God’s kingdom, all are welcome.

Sincerely,